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bachelorette kaitlyn week i have no idea: time is a flat circle

Villing.

Villing.

You know this thing with no rose ceremonies at the end of an episode? Yeah, it’s not working for me.

So there have been somewhere between 2-17 episodes so far and here’s a little recap below. On a Thursday. Cause I’m dangerous.

Chris Harrison tells Britt on Night One/Episode Two/In a Television Vortex she did not get enough votes but that the vote was very close. LIKE HOW CLOSE, CHRIS?

Britt handles it with class. Frankly, I don’t think Kaitlyn would have had as much. Team Britt suffers though. Case in point: Tony the creepy yogi can’t handle that it’s Kaitlyn. “We’re all drinking at the same fountain. I want to go home and dig my own well.” It’s either a euphemism for him masturbating or ordering one of those realistic life-size inflatable doll girlfriends.

Jared confesses to Kaitlyn he voted for Britt. Which is a cool move, weirdly. But he distracted me with his, “I’m super excited you’re the Bachelorette, you’re super sweet and super great and super pretty and super duper.” What’s super(natural) is Jared’s chiseled chin and bone structure. I think his very complicated blowdried hairdo is maybe because he is self-conscious about his ears?

JJ reminds us he had a great connection with Britt: “My life, my daughter and future is woven out of what happens with this.” No presh. Luckily Kaitlyn tells JJ I’m super in to you, I’m all in, don’t be afraid.

The dentist gets some love.

Brady asks to leave to find Britt. Tony has a black eye. Two guys get kicked off who I don’t remember, plus the exotic law grad dancer and the guy that drove the “car pool”.

Then there are some previews and all I can see is:

NICK VIALL
NICK VIALL
NICK VIALL
NICK VIALL

NICK VIALL

I’m sweating.

So is Kaitlyn, because apparently this season she has sex with someone practically on camera and then feels compelled to confess it to the remaining guys.

In response, the following episode/night/week/unrealized rose ceremony, I honor this nation’s fallen war heroes by watching The Bachelorette on Memorial Day.

Kaitlyn wakes up with full make-up and a bra. In her sit-down with Chris Harrison, her fake eyelashes look like my 6 year old applied them.

Brady goes to Britt’s hotel room. I’m mad that I just typed that sentence it’s so boring. Continue reading

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