How was the Democratic debate? Wouldn’t know.
Week 4! Chris Harrison enters the Mansion and shares with the ladies that they’re headed to Las Vegas to meet Ben, and that’s where they will find the first date card. The twins speak at the same time about how they were born and raised there. A bunch of people shout “Viva Las Vegas!” Odds they know what ‘viva’ means?
Cut to the women walk through the lobby of The Aria resort and casino and 90% of them are in jeans and a white shirt. Not sure why, but yeah.
You Set My Heart On Fire date with JoJo
(FYI- Olivia: “Ben is my piece. I’m zen with Ben.”)
JoJo’s hair on fleek! Her nail polish shade on fleek! Ben H mentions having a glass of champagne and JoJo says “I looooooove that” spookily just like Saturday Night Live’s Bachelor spoof this past weekend.
Ben and JoJo wait for a helicopter and kiss in the helicopter gusts while all the other women watch from above. Then they take a helicopter ride and then – are you ready for it – they just end up in a nondescript hotel room. Frickin helicopter ride in Vegas and your ultimate destination is the same as an upscale Marriott in Cleveland.
JoJo shares she ended her 1 1/2 year relationship 5 months ago. She is vague about whether she was cheated on or whether she was dating a married man, but either way it made her insecure because that person wasn’t “giving his all”. Wait, this was the big past bombshell she was nervous about? Their whole conversation is way edited and I have no idea what’s actually going on between them, but JoJo gets a rose. Now likely something will happen outside on the roof involving either fireworks or a private concert. Oh, fireworks. Short, cliche, non-informative edited date concludes.
Show Me What You Got group date with Amanda, Jubilee, Caila, Amber, Haley, Emily, Leah, Lauren H, Jennifer, Rachel and Olivia- maybe someone else?
Olivia refers to herself in the third person as The Frontrunner.
The women enter the Terry Fator theater. Caila just said she grew up watching Terry Fator on tv. For real??? Whomever Terry Fator is tells all the women that basically they have to be in a talent competition audition, opening that night in front of 1200 for Terry Fator’s show. The twins are psyched because their mom made them study dance when they were younger. So they do an Irish River Dance. Jubilee plays the cello. JUBILEE PLAYS THE CELLO.
How did the props crew happen to have matching Irish river dance outfits and a cello?
There’s juggling, hula hooping, balloon animals, I think some kind of hula, chicken singing, clown on a pogo stick, and Olivia’s bangin’ bod coming out of a life-size cake and she dances, sort of, and manages to exude zero sex appeal. And she knows it, and has a panic attack right after and asks for the cameras to leaver her alone. The one who loves cameras most of all.
Now it’s the After Party and I’m O V E R Ben wearing leather jackets. He and Caila hard core make out. You can tell who Ben really likes on the show. Ben tries some ventriloquism out on Lauren H. I think I like Lauren H, I can’t remember. But she does those very Midwestern flat a’s and it stresses me out. Lauren B goes over and they just go at each other’s lips. But then they have one of those typical convos where Lauren B needs reassurance and says why would you pick me and other NOT hot turn-ons.
Olivia gets some 1-on-1 time and instead of just moving forward she wants to talk about how she embarrassed herself earlier with her wannabe Showgirl dance. “I’m just not good at being showy” says the ON AIR NEWS ANCHOR.
Which becomes the problematic theme of the episode: Olivia just keeps doing that thing where she’s making something worse by exposition. Instead of anyone just being able to come to a conclusion about her dance and move on (and half would come to a conclusion in her favor), she continually says things all night and the next day like, “I just have to be myself- goofy, and that kind of sexy dancing I did is not my comfort zone so I just wanted to have fun with it but I shouldn’t have done it.” Bachelor exposition is THE WORST. Ben wants to die.
Emily had taken Ben from Olivia so she takes him back from Emily.
We all hope Olivia is never on camera again, and date rose to Lauren B.
Get Dressed It’s a Big Day date with Becca
Becca puts on a wedding dress. She gets picked up in a vintage pink convertible by a man whose face gets blurred. Then she gets dropped off at one of those Vegas wedding chapels because Ben got ordained so they get to marry other people.
How about those couples?! Tuxedo shirts, a weird European cheek kiss to the bride, possible hidden polygamy, you name it.
After this they hang out (I think in yet another boring hotel room) and Becca says she is more open this time than Chris Soules’ season. They talk about their faith and her decision to stay a virgin and his not to. He says he’s attracted to “her faith” so this season is officially a Sean Lowe redux. Nice guy who, in the end, only really wants a good Christian girl. They say like weird relationship vows to each other (some context to that would have been nice) and then Becca gets the rose.
Last-minute 2-on-1 hometown date with twins Emily and Haley
Chris Harrison surprises the girls in the morning and it’s weird to see a lot of them in no make-up. Side note: Jubilee looks like she’s going to vomit.
Why do the twins even have to wear their hair the exact way? Of course they have a single mom and a bunch of miniature dogs. Haley brings Ben into her bedroom and she has a number of framed photos of herself and her “ex” boyfriend. Oopsies.
Emily of the broken finger is the smarter twin because she lays down with Ben in the horizontal position. Her mom referred to her as “the more dominant twin.”
Oof- I thought Ben might just deny them both to be nice to the best friend sisters. But he rejects Haley in front of her family! And I knew it- then Emily just cries! Will these girls even be okay being apart?
They hang at Liquid Lounge. Jen beats Olivia to the punch in first stealing Ben. Olivia wins no points with Ben by only letting him hang out with Jen for 3 minutes. Olivia revisits the I-Was-Awkward conversation. Ben was reincarnated and now dies again because she’s so annoying.
Ben attacks Caila. His physical desire for her is clear.
Jubilee is nervous. Anything is possible! She has the same conversation with Ben too about how she is complicated and maybe that’s not good. This is like the groundhog day episode of self-loathing and asking Ben for reassurance.
Since I don’t know who else is Christian, so far it’s Becca for the win.
Hey, why doesn’t the Bachelor stare at 8 x 10 portraits of the women anymore before making his decision?
Becca, JoJo and Lauren B have roses. More to:
Olivia, who reads a lot of romance novels.
Oh Amber, you were always a goner with your mean girl ways and third season of this show.
Rachel, maybe it’s because you’re unemployed?
Oh lord, next week it’s Viva Mexico. What’s a country you wouldn’t say “Viva” before? Viva Democratic Republic of the Congo!
Live After Show
Allison Williams from Girls apparently went to Bachelor viewing parties with her future husband and that’s also the same time they fell in love.
I can’t believe I like the After Show now.