Hey everybody, we’ve reached the end. And true to form, The Bacheor/ette has reeled me back in. They give good finale, what can I say.
Nick with Andi’s family
Nick brought Hy whiskey or something. Hy being the most famous dad in the show’s franchise. But in retrospect, any dad on Earth that could have sniffed out that Juan Pablo would be possibly the single worst mate for a daughter, is just doing his god-given responsibilities. Although wasn’t it cute that Hy said his soul job in life was Rachel, Andi, and Patti? So cute. Why do you think Rachel had to have a less-cutesy name? Why do we think of her cute husband’s kind of randomly burgeoning side curls? Maybe payot coming?
Mom and Dad both commented privately on how nervous and non-demonstrative Nick was. Yes it’s weird to be THAT nervous, but I guess also nice because it means he gets that he has something good to lose. And the non-physicality thing- I mean, that’s just showing respect.
“Nick sees [Andi’s] entire soul.” Sister Rachel has a turtle tattoo on her back.
Nick asked for Hy’s blessing and he sort of, actually, kind of, gave it! I am actually shocked. Hy says it would be in total support of Nick and Andi together and Nick would be a great son-in-law.
Josh with Andi’s family
Hy decides before he meets Josh that he’s just an athlete type. At least Josh is physically demonstrative when he comes in, and I don’t know why they think it’s “chaotic” that Josh is outgoing, friendly, and nervously sweating. I think they are just pro-Nick. But also, I don’t know why Josh has to have his shirt unbuttoned soooo far down when meeting the love-of-his-life’s father.
Rachel and her husband quiz Josh. Then it’s Hy’s turn. And he comes out the same! No reservations about Josh and can see him as a son-in-law.
Last Date with Josh
Yacht across the Caribbean. Josh is kind, confident, funny, and easy on the eyes. Not my type, but all around a more decent guy than he clearly gets stereotyped for. They frolic and have fun on the boat and Josh seems really funny and they snorkel and the usual yachtiness ensues.
They have some wine that night. Josh’s uncooked salmon-colored trousers are good. Twitter may not like them, but I did. Andi, as usual, is expressing doubts about the realness of her and Josh and if it’s too good to be true, and what’s next after their infatuated phase. He doesn’t really answer the question, but has that ever stopped anyone on this show?
JOSH MAKES ANDI HER OWN BASEBALL CARD.
All kinds of cute, y’all. Beats a collage or poem any day.
Last Date with Nick
Offroading. Private beach with picnic. Picnic = 3 pieces of fruit and a knife. Do these people wear crazy DEET? I would have to be inside a full body mosquito net.
That night, Nick is like “welcome to my resort suite. I lit these 650 pillar candles myself.”
Also he is wearing the same 3/4 sleeve baseball raglan my husband has from Urban Outfitters. I don’t know what this coincidence means, just that it’s incredibly important.
Andi, like all bachelorettes, just makes the guys do the talking. She actually gives Nick permission to “ramble.” Andi starts making her pouty face so that is nerve-wracking. But then Nick gets super millennial emo and Andi basically lightheartedly lets him know, wink wink, she could be picking him. Then they talk about grocery shopping.
At the end of the day, I have always preferred that one thing about Nick over Josh. His conversations with and about Andi just seem more real, specific, nuanced, personal. Josh talks in platitudes that could apply to anyone, eg “she is beautiful and I will always love her.” And I am sure nothing was edited out, right?
Nick makes a necklace with a vial of sand for Andi. Ooooh, battle of the really good gifts. Wait, can you use the word vial for anything other than blood? It would also be dope if it was a vial of blood.
Andi walks on the resort lawn in her negligee
Followed by gratuitous shots of the men waking up half naked and primping.
Basically Andi says multiple times that Nick is more intellectual than Josh. So whatever else, she either can’t pick Josh now, or she can and that will always be awkward.
My husband just made a good point that it’s sexist that even on the Bachelorette, the guy has to propose.
Neil Lane! The best job in the business! Josh picks a ring.
Nick, on the other hand, gets a knock knock on the door from …
dot dot dot
She has so definitely led him on. Massively. Wow.
Her break-up speech is too vague. But WHY?
Nick calls her out for leading him on. Which is good. Even though it’s built into the fabric of this show’s model. The premise is the lead-on. But even that said, this one was surprising.
Nick: “Sometimes I feel like you took it too far- we were in the water-” WHAT HAPPENED IN THE WATER? “There are certain things I wish you hadn’t said.” “I just hope you’re sure, and not scared.”
And then it torrentially rains. And then Nick throws all his roses away! That is kind of awesome. No bigger insult for a Bachelor/ette rose then to end up in a hotel wastebasket. Not even a trash can, a WASTEBASKET you know what I’m saying!!
Nick’s rejection car ride face is very genuine. He is totally in shock, speechless, and trying to process it out loud. Why isn’t it raining during his car ride but it’s raining while Andi looks wistfully out to the sea? Conspiracy.
Final Rose / Proposal
Andi doesn’t look sad anymore. She is all gussied up and ready for her former pro ball player who may or may not be currently employed. Her type. The not-as-intellectual-or-passionate perfect guy who does not see her soul. But definitely takes care of his teeth.
I like Josh’s proposal speech, but why does he always say he gave up baseball for his great love??
Andi does a really good job scaring Josh, and then she also professes her love.
Anddddd, I’m back. I can’t really stray from this show. There is romance after all. And neither of them has to move!
After the Final Rose
A Nick retrospective
Wow they shoot some footage in Milwaukee post-rejection. They have never done this before- I am so confused. Plus, the creepy music. Why can’t Nick let this go and why is the show helping him be stalker-like? This is probably why Andi had a bad feeling.
Look at that camera shot of Nick waiting between two huge bunches of roses in the foreground or background at the MTA taping.
Andi won’t see Nick unless they are on stage in a studio audience apparently. So Nick asks Chris to bring her a letter.
She reads it. Then they see each other at After the Final Rose.
Oh so um, yeah, um also this other thing: Bachelor history. Nick: “if you knew how in love with you I was, and you… why did you make love to me?”
Andi, to her credit, is fairly composed that he just kissed-and-told.
Nick says that night was fiance-like stuff.
To be fair, unless you’re Sean and Catherine, sex is a good part of the audition process. Was Nick a virgin??
The Happy Couple
Andi and Josh are definitely very in love. They’re lucky all their secret rendezvous have been just walking a couple blocks. But Josh kind of maniacally pats her, right? Like a dog. Oh wait, speaking of dog, Grumpy Cat comes out! Because his owner wasn’t rich enough.
Bachelor in Paradise
I am worried if I blog Bachelor in Paradise, my computer will have to have an abortion. So, let’s all just Twitter together! Enjoy. I know I will.