bachelorette andi The Men Tell All: the episode where there was ultrasound gel

CHRIS HARRISON, CHRIS SOULES

Wait, did I miss the part where he was announced as the next Bachelor?

A LIVE ULTRASOUND. Lie detectors. Racism. A woman from the audience gets to speak.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

What the fuh is going on. I am so excited.

Ashley & JP

I have always liked them. Ashley is pregs! And she is carrying like a normal person too. Humongous boobs, a little weight gain.

And for a Canadian, Ashley’s dress is very Patriotic.

The polar vortex drove JP and Ashley out of New Jersey to, um, Miami. Ok, whatever. Miami whatever. Enjoys those summers!

Just kidding. The winter in NY blew so hard, I was desperately missing the year-round overcastness of London.

Because I know from my showrunner friend that all reality shows are an intricate web of lies, deceit, constructed falsehoods, and salty tears, I am fairly certain Ashley and JP actually already know the sex of their baby. They don’t cry when they find out it’s a boy.

But- YAY FOR LITTLE BOYS. Yay for babies. Yay for them. I can’t be snarky. Except that, you know, they just showed the inside of her uterus on national tv so that’s not normal or whatever. But I still like them.

Bachelor in Paradise promo

I hereby forgive everything that has happened the past 5 seasons of this show. My summer just got MADE.

Oh, Chris Bukowski. He is like the Beth Stolarczyk of the Bachelor franchise.

Men Tell All

I really like the scarves bit. That’s good. I like how Farmer Chris would not even really wear his.

Well color me surprised. The alleged racist comment by Andrew re Marquel and Ron is aired at the outset and the whole thing is handled fairly maturely, and by smart voices on both sides. It is questionable why JJ would take the courses of action he did every time he thought he witnessed or heard something dangerous or incendiary. That seems plausible.

Girls, how HOT is Farmer Chris now that we know how feisty and BS-proof he is?! There are like thousands of girls right now studying up on Pioneer Woman so that they may serve him and be his Top Ghost.

Marquel in the hot seat

I like Marquel so much, but I kind of tuned this unimportant segment out. Given the agenda this evening, this is going to be the least interesting. I do know from the Bachelor in Paradise promo that everyone seems to be making out but Marquel. I hope I’m wrong.

Oh no he did not bring Black & White cookies. He power clashes, has a sense of humor and a sweet side. Ladiezzzzz, learn the intricacies of hemlines and tie knots and land this guy!

Marcus in hot seat

I don’t agree with the characterization that Marcus’ rejection was the “most emotionally heartwrenching”. Marcus has always been astoundingly hot, but I don’t think anyone was surprised. He’s a little blah- what is it? Or not? Hard to say. But no one ever thought Andi’s connection with him was the strongest. So stop LYING, Chris Harrison, you rich, rich, sneaky minx.

I also ignored this whole segment. But yes, we get that Marcus is on Bachelor in Paradise. More stripping, more boredom, more collective disbelief that he is so hot.

Farmer Chris in hot seat

He’s cute, and awesome. And then some Petra from the audience interrupts and sort of, I guess, asks Farmer Chris out. I like that the guys are yelling from the side, “YOLO!” Because, you know, yolo. And also, how preciously Millennial.

Also, why is Farmer Chris not the next Bachelor? No one explained that.

Andi

Farmer Chris asked what changed for her, and she didn’t really answer but just repeated what we heard on the show but whatever.

Marcus talks for 5 seconds. Cody talks for 5 seconds. Marquel does. The pro golfer. All Andi’s responses are diplomatic and predictable, but probably genuine too.

Ugh, why does Chris Bukowski get time on this episode?

Wait, this lie detector thing is actually awesome. Marcus has slept with over 20 women. Dylan prefers blondes and is not ready for marriage.

It doesn’t make sense that Josh’s whole thing is trust and Andi wants to prove that she trusts him by not asking what two things he lied about on the lie detector. I feel like we’re all missing the point that he LIED already, so why not just figure out why. To re-visit.

Chris Harrison: Josh lied about two things, want to hear what?

Andi: Should I?

Brian and Dylan: Don’t do it, Andi, trust him!

Or more succinctly:

It’s been proven that Josh lied.

Trust him!

My brain just ate itself.

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh I always love me a good blooper reel.

Josh has dark hair.

There’s a letter in the green room.

Do you think Petra has a vision board?

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3 Comments

Filed under bachelorette episode recap

3 responses to “bachelorette andi The Men Tell All: the episode where there was ultrasound gel

  1. Elizabeth

    Bachelor in Paradise will be beyond awesome.

  2. Sonjey

    Well done Yael…. can’t wait for the final and then Paradise!!!

  3. Don’t despair, I bet Chris will be announced as the next Bachelor on Final Rose.

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