I’m only agreeing to this recap because I was in a good mood yesterday from Memorial Day. Which sentence alone is pathetic. Good mood = dying for your country. Wtf.
THANK YOU, MEN AND WOMEN WHO GAVE THEIR LIVES FOR THIS COUNTRY.
Now on to a reality dating show.
The bros are psyched yo to move into the mansion.
Chris Harrison gathers the fellas and tells them: “I’ve been doing this a long time and, she’s one of the best.” I want to know who’s the worst. Spill it, Harrison.
Love is Everywhere date with Eric WHO ULTIMATELY DIES
I’m going to let Eric rest in peace and say only the following:
He can do a back flip on dry land. Also, they take a helicopter from the beach and land on Bear Mountain in the snow, but since Eric is/was an extreme sports enthusiast and has been all over the world, I can’t imagine this is that new or amazing.
Eric gets a rose.
I think Andi overuses “Stop.” when she wants to indicate or evoke disbelief/support/awe/humorous reciprocity in a conversation.
Let’s Bare Our Souls group date
The gang goes to some male revue strip club. Poor Man’s Ryan Gosling gets the solo act cause Andi is FEELIN’ Marcus tonight. Woo!
How do we feel about this riff on military themes by the half-naked men on Memorial Day? Is it more or less disrespectful than me drinking 4 Miller High Lifes in a row?
Magic Cody, with his kissing his ‘roid muscles and uber-white teeth and yellow faux-hawk is so un-magical.
This is s gross but honestly, some of these guys have crazy hot bods.
Hello Andi’s lowcut dress with front and side boob! So on trend, so boobtastic.
Brian the teacher is growing on her. Josh the ex pro-baseball player doesn’t want Andi to stereotype him.
Craig is wasted. Goes in the pool. Yells. Goes on a destructive tear throughout the house.
Opera is not sexy.
Marcus Gosling gets the group date rose.
Let’s Get Our Love On Track date with Chris
Andi and Chris get dolled up in “40s glam” and go to the Santa Anita horse track. They actually look positively adorable and Chris is such a nice Iowa farm boy. I have nothing bad to say. Except since when do farmers have such hip “gay stylist” hairstyles?
Also, I could never rock Andi’s green dress, and that makes me : ( .
Also, did producers plant that old couple that had been together 55 years?
Okay, now I am done with the negative comments.
Chris reveals he was once engaged, and broke it off because he knew in his gut she wasn’t the one. Chris gets a rose. The dance to a private concert and who cares.
Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony
I usually don’t like bedazzled dresses, but Andi’s is different in its symmetrical sparkly line-ness. Me like.
Nick V, who got the first night rose, whisks Andi off to a little 1 on 1 time with champers and strawberries and wants to ask Andi what she’s looking for, and what she hasn’t found. I like that he called his question “4th date material.”
Marquel is going some extreme power-clashing with his tie and shirt and it’s good.
Josh M is freaking me out with his rambling at Andi about how he has never felt this way about anyone before. Unsurprisingly, she likes it and his professional whitened teeth because the two of them stand up and make out.
Crag apologizes for his drunken episode with a song on his guitar. Wow, he may eek through this yet. Or not.
Bradley the opera singer’s hair swoop is outrageous.
Since I barely pay attention to this show anymore, I can only list who got the boot.
(Also, it’s weird Andi makes a sad lower lip face pout thing when her rejects come to hug her. Own your decision!)
- Carl the firefighter
- Nick S pro golfer is shocked
- Craig the drunk tax accountant
Two episodes, two nights. Including Boyz II Men. If you could see my face right now, it would look like a question mark.
Someone has a girlfriend and gets confronted and leaves and Andi cries and gets angry.