bachelor juan pablo episode 8: a lot of uneaten dinners

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Can someone immediately contact a child psychologist?

These dates always go in order of Least to Most of how into the hometown girl the Bachelor is. Right?

Kansas City, MO where Nikki was spawned

I like Nikki’s fingerless gloves, biker jacket, and infinity scarf. She nailed it.

They go to Oklahoma Joe’s famous BBQ place. Hello delicious. I like how they didn’t shut the joint down for filming either. And somehow no one is staring at the couple or camera crew. Nikki ate messy ribs in front of this guy so credit for that.

Then they go electronic bull riding at Big Sky. Eventually he falls off. Then they have beers. Nikki wants a cowboy. Then they ride the bull together and fall off together. It’s a metaphor. So beautiful.

Nikki’s family lives in a McMansion. Growing up I always thought homes with double doors were super intense and fancy. I mean, there are so many possibilities. You could bring in a full king-sized bed ALREADY PUT TOGETHER.

Nikki’s mom is her best friend, and like best friends are known to do, she grabs Nikki away from dinner for a chat, before one bite of food has been eaten. What’s with the producers on that? I mean, why aren’t people allowed to eat? Is it because they just had bbq ribs and we’re on a weird post-production space-time continuum?

Nikki’s dad has hair!

That’s awesome. Also, Nikki’s dad seems calm and reasonable and nice and in a diplomatic way is asking Nikki what specifically it is about Juan Pablo she is so into. And he praises Nikki with love without specifically saying he encourages her to end up with JP. For a Mean Girl, she has a Nice Dad.

Atlanta, GA where Andi was spawned

I don’t understand Juan Pablo’s shirt. I need to mull it over. It has different color sleeves, but not in a baseball raglan sense.

Then they go to a shooting range. It’s the South and Andi is an ADA, so fine. But ugh.

Back at her family’s house, Dad wants to know how many women Juan Pablo has been shuffling through. Doesn’t really matter, right? Because Andi just told us she’s not in love with Juan Pablo yet.

Andi’s mom and dad met and got engaged 6 months later, and married 6 months after that. Juan Pablo dances salsa with Mom but Dad Hy is not in as jovial a mood. Hy is right, he wants to only give his blessing to a man who comes to him asking for his daughter’s hand in marriage when he’s not potentially wanting anybody else. I wish someone would ask Juan Pablo what he would say to a man in his shoes who would ask for adult Camila’s hand in marriage in the same scenario.

Andi tells her sister and dad she “could see myself falling in love with him.” That is so far off and distant from where someone needs to be at this point, I kind of feel like other girls should have gotten this far over her.

Sarasota, FL where Renee was spawned

I can’t believe she hasn’t seen her son in 2 months and we have to witness it with Juan Pablo there. That doesn’t seem intimate, and it seems like something just for the show, but that’s not considerate.

They go see her son Ben before his Little League game.

Renee runs to him and I cry. There is something so weird about this. Like Juan Pablo immediately starts talking to him, but I mean Ben must be so confused why his mom left him for so long, and why this strange man is interjecting during his reunion with his mom. Why does it have to go this way?

Juan Pablo really wants a son so he can play sports with him. Because obviously Cameeeeela will be too busy playing with dolls and douching.

That night they head over to Renee’s parents house. It’s awkward at first because clearly Renee doesn’t know what’s going on in her own son’s life, but Nona (grandma) does. And then when Renee gets to tuck Ben into bed, they are filmed by a camera crew and so Ben still can’t relax into his mom’s affections.

Also, I think Ben is into Rainbow Loom bracelets. Or whatever the next fad is/was. Love it.

Renee’s parents are super easygoing and supportive. No one’s trying to be a hero. Everyone’s just friendly. Why didn’t we get to hear the cute brother more?

Sacramento, CA where Clare and her teeth were spawned

Juan Pablo saved the best for last as he tells us how excited he is to be with Clare.

Side note: I would like to see what Clare looks like without make-up.

Ok, that made me cry… Clare’s dad did a father-daughter dance with her during his last week of life since she knew when she got married he wouldn’t be there.

Wait, so no bull riding or shooting range? They just go from a park talk to family dinner?

Clare has 55 brunette sisters for Juan Pablo to meet. Where did Clare get her excellent blonde highlights and tight bod from?

(It would be fun if we got to see the menus for all hometowns.)

One of Clare’s sisters, Madeline, takes her for a chat. Her sisters are older than her, so clearly take on some maternal-type roles. Sister Lisa also gives her blessing. They all miss Daddy and wish he was there to look out for the baby of the family. The parents only knew each other for 3 weeks before marrying. That’s like a theme on this show at the hometowns. When are there going to be a set of parents where we find out they dated for 10 years, were engaged for 3 and then finally got married?

Angry Sister Laura goes outside for a chat with Clare and their Momma. Momma doesn’t get a word in edgewise with Laura. Then Laura tries to body-block Clare from Momma. Juan Pablo then wants time with Momma. Laura the Bodyguard attends. It’s very weird. Is the mom senile? Is the mom mute? Can someone explain this? Where is Chris Harrison to explain?

Juan Pablo works his magic, and Laura deems it acceptable that he can have alone-time access to Momma. Finally, MOMMA SPEAKS! She’s Latina?

Rose Ceremony

I honestly don’t know who is getting the boot, except we very clearly saw scenes from the Overnights with Andi in them. Clare is definitely staying, so it’s between Nikki and Renee. I sort of feel like I would have been gunning for Nikki to get dismissed, but the whole Renee and her son Ben thing was weird to me and left an uneasy feeling. I wouldn’t mind if she got rejected either so she could get some sense back in her life.

Chris Harrison escorts each girl separately into the rose ceremony in Miami. The ladies look lovely. So bunk to look so fly just for a few seconds to get dumped. I think the dumpee should immediately hit the town.

Juan Pablo’s pre-rose speeches are THE WORST. So boring and generic and repetitive. He should do them in Spanish and then just have a translator.

Roses to Nikki, Clare, and Andi.

Renee is fired.

Juan Pablo even makes her do the talking during their Rejection Bench Chat. He doesn’t explain or say a word.

I liked Renee. A lot. She was like a gentle sleeper hit. Always poised, always naturally pretty, always full of grace and support for the other women. She can do soooooo much better. Renee, run don’t walk to your son Ben and apologize for having a camera crew at your post-2 month separation reunion.

Imagine getting strung along to the end and getting rejected once Juan Pablo meets your child!

And to add insult to injury, the outtake after the show is Renee getting shit on by a seagull.

Previews

We’ve now seen these fifty times, but there is some drama during Overnight Dates in St. Lucia. Every single girl cries. America doesn’t care who wins. Camila promises to never play sports.

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9 Comments

Filed under bachelor episode recap

9 responses to “bachelor juan pablo episode 8: a lot of uneaten dinners

  1. Elizabeth

    The Ben thing was heartbreaking. Why couldn’t JP at least wait patiently on the picnic blanket until Renee brought him over?

    Onto Clare, I think I figured out the teeth thing (always on display and her constant licking of them). She had a nose job. When they lifted the tip, the upper lip was pulled higher.

  2. Bach Fan

    I really liked Renee but I think JP would have let her go before hometown dates if Sharleen had stayed. It was so sad/awkward with her son. My sons are 7 and 9 (and are way into Rainbow Loom) and it’s impossible to for me to imagine being apart from them for 2 months. I don’t want Renee to be Bachelorette (if that’s even on the table) because I feel like her son is older and has been through enough! Also, let’s just go ahead and say it: Clare is way prettier than anyone else in her family. And why does Mom speak fluent Spanish and Clare not at all? Nikki’s family was adorable. I hope we are not being manipulated by ABC on the fantasy suite drama for tonight! I want it to be something good!

    • yael

      How bizarre is it that Clare looks/acts so different from the rest of her family. That could be a tv show in itself.

      • Elizabeth

        Nose job. One of her sisters was a dead ringer for Jennifer Grey (Dirty Dancing). It was the family visit that made the rhinoplasty obvious.

  3. Jenny

    I don’t even bother watching the show anymore (a first for me in bachelor tv show history except for the season with the domestic abusers that were arrested). I just read your blog! Have you read this week’s US Weekly? Go Andi!

  4. Teresa

    JP is a real bore. I am hoping he has some sort of intelligent conversations off camera that aren’t related to parenting or Cameeeeela. I am surprised these educated women are falling for him based on what I see. Oh wait…no I am not.

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