Atlantic City forreal? Wow.
Let’s talk about Chris Harrison’s plaid tartan shirt. It’s cool. Like a mustard yellow color. Different. Not positive about the turned-up almost like banker cuffs but I’m open.
Atlantic City during the winter forreal? Wow.
“Las Vegas on the ocean”? Notsomuch.
Let Our Love Shine Through date with Brad
Who is Brad? What’s going on?
Apparently this is Brad’s first time on a boardwalk. They go on rides and play games and eat salt water taffy. It makes me miss the Jersey Shore 😦 Des notices Brad’s gorgeousness more. And totally creepy, the guys can spy on them from like 40 stories up. The Fluid Drilling Engineer does not think Brad is right for Des. Probably because he’s not in his 40s.
Okay, that’s cool: sitting in front of a massive sand castle. Cute idea. Dinner is at Absecon Lighthouse. The table and ambiance is whatever and the conversation is worse. Or lack thereof. I will give Des credit for even continuing the date to the top of the lighthouse. She chooses the pretty, dramatic setting to dump him. I fault Des not even remotely. I do fault her for saying “I want a love that can light the darkness.” Brad is sad and cries and misses his son Maddox.
Group Date something-or-other
The men are going to do a Mr. America pageant. They have a gay pageant coach and when Chris Harrison asks if they’re all excited, the response is slightly tepider than when they found out they were going to be playing dodgeball.
Amidst the props, Fluid Zak picks up the guitar even though he “doesn’t really play”. They also train on interviewing and Mikey T informs us he’s got that in the bag. #toteshumble. I like how the guys worry they won’t be able to show their junk well in too-big bathing suits. Because as well all know, that’s totally what women care about. Is there a bathing suit that shows size of the bank account?
So somehow the producers are able to fill the venue even though it’s the off-season. Which begs the question: who are the people who live in Atlantic City year-round? Talk to me goose.
Miss America 2013 is a judge; the mayor is a judge; and Des is a judge.
Kasey is so cute. I like his light jacket, black shirt. Interview portion: Fire, wild animals, frequency of eating out, dancing, the fact that Mikey T is not just a hot body… so many questions, so many answers.
Talent portion: Kasey tap/Riverdances, Mikey does a strip tease, Brooks does some funny spoken word songy type thing with a ukulele, Ben does ribbons, someone does a monologue, there are hula hoops, another gross strip tease, Zak gets super gross with an emo guitar song. He’s good, I just say gross because he’s an age-lier and whitens his teeth too hard-core.
Swimsuit competition: Is there a woman alive who gets turned on when a man can independently flex each muscle boob? #mikeyitsover
Brooks didn’t win. Boo. But Kasey is super cute and manages to have a stellar body without being juiced up-looking so, yay for Kasey!
Chris says, in the pool with a bad echo and a seeming lack of mics: “I write poetry.” Des says she writes it too and then Chris reads some and then they kiss. But the way he is embracing her is weird to me. Just like static hands around the waist. We need a little movement!
The guys all hate Ben and talk about that fact. Ben does seem icky to me for some reason, but I will take him over Tierra any day. And something is being edited out because Brooks like despises him. And I can’t imagine Brooks is crazy. So what are we missing, producers?
Fluid Zak decides to play the rest of his song for Des. Des looks a little embarrassed, no? I mean, I’m embarrassed but frankly she shouldn’t think this is worse than recitations of poetry.
Of course every guy thinks he’s getting the rose, but this time Fluid Zak is right. Wow!
Can Our Love Weather the Storm date with James
Kasey is hilarious because he’s sitting there in the hotel room when Des arrives wearing his Mr. America get-up from the night before. Btw, is it just me or does Kasey look like a waaaaaaaay cuter Ty Pennington?
James thinks he’s going on some baller date but actually they are taking a chopper ride to see the devastation along the shore of Hurricane Sandy, especially Seaside Heights. I am digging the messages popping up on the screen to donate to the Red Cross. It’s funny how some seasons of this show do something charitable and some don’t. I do think they’re dragging this segment out though. It’s just that these are primarily vacation homes and vacation towns. Maybe we should be viewing Staten Island or Breezy Point instead. Or the tornado-ravaged regions in the part of the US where the Bachelor never goes.
(Wait, NEW IDEA! Next season Bachelor should only go to totally random and un-famous parts of the US. Like helicopters over Kansas and overnight dates in a hot tub in Ohio.)
That’s cute- Des and James give their romantic date to the couple who are rebuilding their home from the storm – Manny and Jan – and James says he is fine just going to get fast food instead. Super sweet but I don’t believe for a minute James eats fast food. #notclean #toomanycarbs #processed
The devastation of the hurricane makes Des and James horny. They kiss and go “look for spaghetti.” #thecarbs!
Manny and Jan roll into their NJ date and it’s sweet. They’ve changed clothes though so where/when did that happen? Meanwhile Des and James are eating spaghetti and pizza at a hole-in-the-wall somewhere. Des is talking about her family going through a lot and for some reason James kisses her then. And then he decides to reveal his skeleton in the closet: he cheated on a girl when he was a freshman in college. Yikes, Des then just keeps talking about her own time she was cheated on. This is apparently a nerve for her.
It’s a little dubious too that James is saying his heart was broken by breaking another girl’s heart. That’s (a). (b) is that he, I think, is basically saying a man can’t really get on the path to upright monogamy until his heart has been broken. Um, wha? What about the guys born with that weird and unstudied affliction called A MORAL COMPASS
I get a better taste in my mouth when Manny and Jan are re-gifted with a restored wedding album from yesteryear. Where is Manny’s accent from? Des and James join them and Manny and Jan seem to over-emphasize that marriage is not always smooth. Ha! The someone sings and they awkwardly dance and Manny speaks in his weird language and Jan says So Sexy! Des gives James a rose. He’s too lunge-y with his kisses for me.
Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony
Michael G does a dorky acronym thing with Des’s name:
Down to earth
Easy to talk to
Smile lights up the room
Wouldn’t it be Great if things worked out with us
It’s not that cool and what happened to his thumb, but he’s cute and she likes him.
Chris and Des still totes dig each other and joke around and smooch.
Bryden is for some reason telling all the guys he is leaving before he tells Des. And we all liked him! He gets all business-like with Des but Des is nice and reassures him and so I guess his bluff is called? Roses to:
Bryden (all talk)
Buh bye to cute Zack, but I hardly knew ya.
Off to Munich, Germany. The men to plot to sell James out. Ben’s Christianity is threatened when he potentially gets exposed as There for the Wrong Reasons.