bachelorette des episode 4: Mr. Man Boobs Pageant

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Someone’s enjoying all the hard bodies.

Atlantic City forreal? Wow.

Let’s talk about Chris Harrison’s plaid tartan shirt. It’s cool. Like a mustard yellow color. Different. Not positive about the turned-up almost like banker cuffs but I’m open.

Atlantic City during the winter forreal? Wow.

“Las Vegas on the ocean”? Notsomuch.

Let Our Love Shine Through date with Brad

Who is Brad? What’s going on?

Apparently this is Brad’s first time on a boardwalk. They go on rides and play games and eat salt water taffy. It makes me miss the Jersey Shore 😦 Des notices Brad’s gorgeousness more. And totally creepy, the guys can spy on them from like 40 stories up. The Fluid Drilling Engineer does not think Brad is right for Des. Probably because he’s not in his 40s.

Okay, that’s cool: sitting in front of a massive sand castle. Cute idea. Dinner is at Absecon Lighthouse. The table and ambiance is whatever and the conversation is worse. Or lack thereof. I will give Des credit for even continuing the date to the top of the lighthouse. She chooses the pretty, dramatic setting to dump him. I fault Des not even remotely. I do fault her for saying “I want a love that can light the darkness.” Brad is sad and cries and misses his son Maddox.

Group Date something-or-other

The men are going to do a Mr. America pageant. They have a gay pageant coach and when Chris Harrison asks if they’re all excited, the response is slightly tepider than when they found out they were going to be playing dodgeball.

Amidst the props, Fluid Zak picks up the guitar even though he “doesn’t really play”. They also train on interviewing and Mikey T informs us he’s got that in the bag. #toteshumble. I like how the guys worry they won’t be able to show their junk well in too-big bathing suits. Because as well all know, that’s totally what women care about. Is there a bathing suit that shows size of the bank account?

So somehow the producers are able to fill the venue even though it’s the off-season. Which begs the question: who are the people who live in Atlantic City year-round? Talk to me goose.

Miss America 2013 is a judge; the mayor is a judge; and Des is a judge.

Kasey is so cute. I like his light jacket, black shirt. Interview portion: Fire, wild animals, frequency of eating out, dancing, the fact that Mikey T is not just a hot body… so many questions, so many answers.

Talent portion: Kasey tap/Riverdances, Mikey does a strip tease, Brooks does some funny spoken word songy type thing with a ukulele, Ben does ribbons, someone does a monologue, there are hula hoops, another gross strip tease, Zak gets super gross with an emo guitar song. He’s good, I just say gross because he’s an age-lier and whitens his teeth too hard-core.

Swimsuit competition: Is there a woman alive who gets turned on when a man can independently flex each muscle boob? #mikeyitsover

Brooks didn’t win. Boo. But Kasey is super cute and manages to have a stellar body without being juiced up-looking so, yay for Kasey!

After Party

Chris says, in the pool with a bad echo and a seeming lack of mics: “I write poetry.” Des says she writes it too and then Chris reads some and then they kiss. But the way he is embracing her is weird to me. Just like static hands around the waist. We need a little movement!

The guys all hate Ben and talk about that fact. Ben does seem icky to me for some reason, but I will take him over Tierra any day. And something is being edited out because Brooks like despises him. And I can’t imagine Brooks is crazy. So what are we missing, producers?

Fluid Zak decides to play the rest of his song for Des. Des looks a little embarrassed, no? I mean, I’m embarrassed but frankly she shouldn’t think this is worse than recitations of poetry.

Of course every guy thinks he’s getting the rose, but this time Fluid Zak is right. Wow!

Can Our Love Weather the Storm date with James

Kasey is hilarious because he’s sitting there in the hotel room when Des arrives wearing his Mr. America get-up from the night before. Btw, is it just me or does Kasey look like a waaaaaaaay cuter Ty Pennington?

James thinks he’s going on some baller date but actually they are taking a chopper ride to see the devastation along the shore of Hurricane Sandy, especially Seaside Heights. I am digging the messages popping up on the screen to donate to the Red Cross. It’s funny how some seasons of this show do something charitable and some don’t. I do think they’re dragging this segment out though. It’s just that these are primarily vacation homes and vacation towns. Maybe we should be viewing Staten Island or Breezy Point instead. Or the tornado-ravaged regions in the part of the US where the Bachelor never goes.

(Wait, NEW IDEA! Next season Bachelor should only go to totally random and un-famous parts of the US. Like helicopters over Kansas and overnight dates in a hot tub in Ohio.)

That’s cute- Des and James give their romantic date to the couple who are rebuilding their home from the storm – Manny and Jan – and James says he is fine just going to get fast food instead. Super sweet but I don’t believe for a minute James eats fast food. #notclean #toomanycarbs #processed

The devastation of the hurricane makes Des and James horny. They kiss and go “look for spaghetti.” #thecarbs!

Manny and Jan roll into their NJ date and it’s sweet. They’ve changed clothes though so where/when did that happen? Meanwhile Des and James are eating spaghetti and pizza at a hole-in-the-wall somewhere. Des is talking about her family going through a lot and for some reason James kisses her then. And then he decides to reveal his skeleton in the closet: he cheated on a girl when he was a freshman in college. Yikes, Des then just keeps talking about her own time she was cheated on. This is apparently a nerve for her.

It’s a little dubious too that James is saying his heart was broken by breaking another girl’s heart. That’s (a). (b) is that he, I think, is basically saying a man can’t really get on the path to upright monogamy until his heart has been broken. Um, wha? What about the guys born with that weird and unstudied affliction called A MORAL COMPASS

I get a better taste in my mouth when Manny and Jan are re-gifted with a restored wedding album from yesteryear. Where is Manny’s accent from? Des and James join them and Manny and Jan seem to over-emphasize that marriage is not always smooth. Ha! The someone sings and they awkwardly dance and Manny speaks in his weird language and Jan says So Sexy! Des gives James a rose. He’s too lunge-y with his kisses for me.

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony

Michael G does a dorky acronym thing with Des’s name:

Down to earth

Easy to talk to

Smile lights up the room

Wouldn’t it be Great if things worked out with us

It’s not that cool and what happened to his thumb, but he’s cute and she likes him.

Chris and Des still totes dig each other and joke around and smooch.

Bryden is for some reason telling all the guys he is leaving before he tells Des. And we all liked him! He gets all business-like with Des but Des is nice and reassures him and so I guess his bluff is called? Roses to:

Chris
Brooks
Juan Pablo
Drew
Michael
Ben
Kasey
Bryden (all talk)
Mikey (ugh)

Buh bye to cute Zack, but I hardly knew ya.

Previews

Off to Munich, Germany. The men to plot to sell James out. Ben’s Christianity is threatened when he potentially gets exposed as There for the Wrong Reasons.

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6 Comments

Filed under bachelorette episode recap

6 responses to “bachelorette des episode 4: Mr. Man Boobs Pageant

  1. Faye

    A few observations:
    – Brad date – can’t believe you didn’t mention the salt water taffy part of the date. HOW were they just running around the factory and taking chocolate and eating it? They weren’t wearing gloves or hair nets….. I’m so sick of such set up dates that try not to look set up.
    – When Des and James ‘gave their date to Manny and wife’ they spontaneously went to a local restaurant that happened not to have any other patrons inside? I’m over the ‘reality’ show totally not being reality.
    – It’s thought provoking that Des especially on the Brad date keeps talking about qualities she wants in a Husband (also when she was pool side with Ben). I feel like she never spends any quality time with these guys on the group dates – they are more like physical challenges Amazing Race style now. That one guy was funny and said she’s like the magical unicorn that just comes and goes. She ultimately picks who she has chemistry with, which I guess is what you want in a husband, but it doesn’t seem to click this time.
    – This show is getting too generic and commercial for me……

    • yael

      Ohmygosh, you are so right. That chocolate thing was ridic. Des was all “Ooh I smell chocolate let’s run this way…” I mean, why can’t it be okay that it’s set up? Weird. This Tweet made me laugh:
      @jenniferweiner Des, looking happy as Brad shoves drippy chocolate inches from her white turtleneck, may have a future in acting. #bachelorette

      I didn’t hear the magical unicorn comment. That’s interesting. It’s like by depriving the suitors of outside communication and tv etc, and only dangling the bachelorette in their faces for like one hour a day, it’s some weird Stockholm Syndrome situation where they all just assume they must be in love with her. At a bar somewhere on random terms, half those guys would not even talk to Des.

  2. Katie

    On-point and hilarious commentary as usual but c’mon…how can you leave out James’s pre-date ritual…chocolate covered strawberries in a bubble bath? A bottle of wine in bed in a fluffy robe? It’s like he’s stolen my work-travel habits!

  3. Jenny

    Does anyone else notice that they are giving 5 or so guys all of the screen time? I feel like I only see Brooks, Michael, Mikey, Ben and maybe Bryden during the interviews.

  4. Lyla

    It just grosses me out how she is kissing all these guys during the cocktail party. The editing makes it look like if she gets 5 minutes alone with someone, they start making out. I’m also with Faye, this is no longer reality TV.

  5. Bach Fan

    I thought there were some funny moments in the pageant…but I’m an East Coaster and Atlantic City is a true dump. I can’t believe they went there. I was bored with this episode. I know I’ve said it before, but this season is just lacking so far. OK for the good – I think Chris seems pretty normal, James seems like a sweet kind of meathead, and Des seems to have a thing for Brooks and Bryden.

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