So, I’m sending this post from St. Lucia. I know, it’s a hard life. Well, it is hard sometimes, isn’t it? Race car drivers die untimely deaths, reality tv show hosts divorce, lots of people get veneers and some people just have their girl radar permanently broken.
I always like these studio recap/chat episodes – along with the Bachelor Pad – because we get to see a less edited version of these people. And less edited, Emily still presents very well. I have no idea how she still manages to come across bright, quick, kind, witty, classy, caring and strong-willed AND freakishly beautiful, but she does. This franchise will be worse when she is finally off its roster of rotating has-beens.
Anyway. Sit down time with Chris Harrison! After some “never before seen footage” which involves some fairly charming bleeped-out cussing (I’m Southern, too) from Emily, Chris sets us up for the upcoming season of Bachelor Pad. Is anyone else not surprised it looks AH-Mazing?! I could not be more excited. In fact, I think it’s fairly obvious to everyone – ABC included – that this vehicle should be the real meal ticket in the family. Besides the conniving and physical challenges, LOTS of couples are formed on the show. For fairy tales, Bachelor Pad is where it’s at. If fairy tales involved hot tubs, condoms and/or the withdrawal method. But anyway, let’s mention a few things:
- Looks like there is an altercation between the Chi-town boyz, Ed and Chris
- I am actually SUPER happy there is a spelling bee. That’s not weird, right?
- Chris sheds his aw-shucks-I’m-a-good-guy persona, and apparently gets with stripper Blakely, lap dancing Jamie and a third girl before it all ends
- Stagliano and Rachel with the Bangs get together??!! Wow. Ok.
- Lindzi and Kalon? That’s just weird.
- Boy drama. I.cannot.wait.
Chris Harrison welcomes the men from Emily’s season along with the obligatory clapping popularity contest when each name is called. A lot of people get very few claps or boos. But then it’s Sean’s turn. Swoon. I forgot how freaking cute he is.
Kalon in the Hot Seat: I love when people accuse him of being there for the “glitz and glamor”. It’s so glitzy when they’re all in the house farting and waxing their chests.
Ryan in the Hot Seat: I have a new take on Ryan. He is hilarious and so entertaining to watch. I love him. He is so unapologetic and borderline-clueless, that it makes him charming. No wonder even Emily got briefly roped in. Ryan still to this day is reaffirming his appreciation of who God blessed him to be. He also journals, hates being a bachelor in Augusta, Georgia and may or may not one day lead the largest megachurch in the South.
Chris in the Hot Seat: Young, emotional, was in love blah blah blah. Don’t care because we know he whores it out on Bachelor Pad starting in one week.
Sean in the Hot Seat: I am reminded Emily was sobbing after she sent Sean home. Duh. Sean is still so stand up and so gracious and so perfect.
Emily: Says all the right things and is classy enough to throw Sean a really nice compliment and also to admit she should have given Doug a rose the night he told her Kalon was calling Ricki baggage. Doug seems like a nicer, more normal guy now and I’m relieved. Also, apparently Emily follows Kalon on Twitter. But don’t worry, he doesn’t take social media seriously. Sorry for not being sorry, 99%.
Proof that Emily picks no one next week
- At the end of the interview with Emily, Chris Harrison says: “Normally I would ask how things are going, but I’m not going to… watch this Sunday.”
- The finale is on a Sunday with Bachelor Pad premiering on Monday. ABC wants viewers in their coveted spot to watch something good, instead of something that is an anticlimactic let-down.
- Previews where Chris Harrison says “Will Emily choose Arie or Jef or will her dreams come crashing down?”
- The scene where Emily is crying and saying, “I don’t know how to start the conversations” (emphasis on the plural) and Chris Harrison responding that she probably feels like she’s betraying both of them.
- For the first time ever, the ATFR show is live. Hmmm.
It wouldn’t be a surprise at all if she pulls a Brad I since she has a kid and fly-by-night proposals are not usually the best idea where offspring are concerned. But still, I am bummed because Jef and Arie are both likable and intriguing in their own ways. Since they’re best friends anyway, maybe we can have a spin-off bromance show to add to the grown franchise family.
Even though it doesn’t matter, let’s consider the recap previews of the two remaining men for next week
Arie’s is first and just shows a lot of kissing. Arie says “Emily is the love of my life” which makes me wonder what was going on before that arm tattoo he got.
Jef, who is “literally too cool” for Emily apparently makes her laugh, brings her out of her shell and gets her like no one else does. And on the Prague date, she fell hard for him.. That awesome All Saints dress sitting on the lookout in Utah and the look on her face when Jef is reading her his love letter makes me wish it was him for the win so bad.
Jef: I feel like we’ll have a love that makes the story books jealous.
I guess that makes me a story book.
Peace out peeps. I look forward to watching the finale in St Lucia. Maybe I’ll watch the entire Bachelor Pad season from a yacht docked near St Tropez. Maybe the next season of The Bachelorette will star a married mom of two kids. Dream big, you guys.