bachelor ben episode eight recap: the hometown episode where all the moms and siblings were mute

Until 15 minutes of fame do we part.

Since this episode could not have been more all-business or boring, let’s keep this short, shall we.

Ocala, FL chez Lindzi

Observations: Lindzi is pretty. She has a nice, raspy voice. Everyone agrees her make-up is terrible and the beigey-ness of it is making her teeth look too white. Her dimples are off the hiz, though. I feel like the horse schtick is old, but what do I know.

Lindzi explains: “Horses have been my life since before I was even born.” Which actually doesn’t scientifically make sense, but she’s a sweet girl.

Lindzi provides the first metaphor about her upbringing and relationships. If you fall off a horse, get back on. Relationships are like that.

I liked when they were talking on the grassy field with a picnic and there was a nice, breezy wind through their hair. But then Ben went in for a kiss, I had a weird gag reflex. He like stuck his tongue out, licked his lips a little and gave two gross kisses.

The Cox family is cute. Even though I am generally fearful of families with an only child, I like these cute parents just sipping wine in the field on their outdoor furniture. The Cox Household tradition is carriage races. (It’s actually pretty similar to how I grew up.) This involves helmets and trash-talking, which for her jolly, little dad means saying things like, gosh gee and we’re whooping you, hardy har! . I do like that the losers have to pull the winners back to the house on their carriage. I was starting to feel the segment was bordering animal cruelty.

Mom says: “He is an awful nice guy.” These people are so Rated G!

Ben says to Dad: “I am not ready to propose to anyone yet.” Um yeah, we knew that, Ben.

Assessment: Harry and Margie are salt of the earth (with their s’mores and swimming pool). There’s just no palpable chemistry between Ben and Lindzi that I can see. And Ben went to her house first on purpose. The hometown dare order is always strategic and telling.

Ben: “I think that I might be falling in love with Lindzi.” Um, can you see my cocked eyebrow right now? Ben, no one believes your production-forced lies.

Clarksville, TN chez Kacie B

At Stratford High School – Home of the Spartans – there are two things to know: (1) Kacie B was a great baton twirler, and (2) her grandfather inspired the naming of the stadium. Right from the get-go it’s clear Ben cannot take this girl away from her hometown.

Ben must know this because to me he is just acting like he’s dialing it in. (Although, someone remind me, didn’t she just get the group date rose last week? Effing Ben.)

Why does Kacie’s face look like it’s getting porkier and her hair more unmanageable?

Ben’s voiceover is calling Kacie “endearing”, which I am going to call right now as the death knell.

There is no foreshadowing alert in what you are about to hear: Kacie’s dad is a teetotaler.

The couple arrives at the house in the dark, but I guess we’ll never know what the day’s date entailed besides ten minutes sitting on the bleachers.

Observations: Kacie’s mom Martha has the same face as her, and looks so young! Holy. Dad Denny is so Southern he pronounced “Dad” as two syllables. Also, the family sprung for a crazy huge floral centerpiece. It’s distracting me. I wish there was a wedding head table somewhere that would rescue it.

(Tangent: does anyone feel sorry for how crazy these families end up going to make their houses tv-ready? I am betting they all drop some serious cheddar and time.)

When Kacie tells sister Allison that Ben is her future husband and she is so flippin’ happy, sis gives a nervous laugh and then says: “Oh, um, you really think so?” Priceless. My thoughts exactly, Allison and your one-shoulder sari-like dress.

Dad doesn’t like to take risks.

Dad doesn’t want these crazy kids to rush into marriage. Why do people on this show never answer a question? Dad asked Ben why he likes Kacie in particular and Ben basically responds with “our relationship has been really good”. ANSWER THE QUESTION. This show is infuriating. Why do we all torture ourselves. IT HURTS SO GOOD.

Integrity, Courage, Community are the ideals of the B family. Mom, if you are reading this: I am mad our family never had official company values.

So Mom Martha has a serious problem with cohabitation. And says something about how her daughters were never really left with babysitters growing up. I am not sure what her point is, but it’s coming off to me as a creepy one.

Dad says Ben’s name into two syllables also. Awesome, y’all.

Assessment: I have no idea why considering the past seven weeks, but Kacie B is DOA. Their goodbye consisted of “Be safe” and two quick pecks.

Fort Worth, TX chez Nicki

Yeah, stacked heels! I saw Nicki’s tramp stamp when she hugged Ben, but I will not hold it against her. The kids’ date consists of picking out some boots and other cowboy gear in the Fort Worth stock yards. It’s actually cute. And Nicki makes the episode’s second hometown/relationship analogy with: Finding the right boots is like finding the right partner in life. Ben is walking down the streets of Texas in a cowboy hat but obviously his haircut would get him beat up. He looks Amish in the get-up because of his hair.

Wait, Nicki changed her off-the-shoulder shirt into a sparkly number.Then she changed back later. I can’t keep up.

Why did Nicki’s dad raise her, not her mom?

Nicki gets weepy again about her hurtful divorce.

There is lots of making out so it seems at the moment, Ben likes Nicki the best after Courtney. FYI: I hate houses where the garage protrudes front and center. I am so angry about this house, it takes me a minute to let Sweet Mr. Nicki’s Dad into my heart.

Nicki ebulliently tells Mom how excited she is about Ben. It deserves an exclamation point!

Nicki chats with Dad. He has to hear that Nicki is in love with Ben. Dad doesn’t want her hurt. Has complete faith in Nicki’s judgment but wishes he had done more to prevent her first failed marriage. Dad is crying. SO AM I.

Observations: I am so digging the bbq cuisine for dinner but Ben’s plate looks like he never touched any. Wasupwitdat?

Nicki is laying it all out on the line. “I want you. I want us in San Francisco. I am falling in love with you.” Assessment: Ben’s body language is typically mediocre, so…

Scottsdale, AZ chez Courtney

Courtney is happy to be home and away from the girls and oh yeah, she is excited to see Ben.

Ben had a moment of clarity with Courtney in Belize. He saw his past, present and future. Did the future involve being single, getting an agent and getting paid to show up at parties at Vegas clubs?

Dad Ricks is wearing an argyle vest sweater, which, although it offends my sensibilities, is probably the uniform for men of a certain age in Scottsdale, Arizona.

Courtney is talking a lot about Ben to her family but not looking at him even though he is sitting next to her. I hate that.

This hometown segment is really making me feel awkward. Courtney almost tears up talking to her sister and I am shuffling around on my couch uncomfortably because there is this new human character and I want to know what she did to my old robot frenemy.

Ben is asked by Dad if he is ready to make the marriage gamble and Ben responds: “I am ready to be in a committed relationship.” No, no, no, Ben. This is not a show where we all tune in each week to see if someone might become girlfriend-boyfriend by the end. There is supposed to be, theoretically, a proposal. I think Ben’s obvious commitment-phobia and general lackluster performance is wearing so thin. Is it Emily Maynard’s turn yet.

Mom is saying how much she has missed Courtney during the filming of the show so far, but I mean, doesn’t Courtney live in LA away from them anyway? Or are LA and Scottsdale close? I don’t really know these things.

*I am interested in how Ben/Courtney gets to switch up the format with their hometown date, when no one else was able to. They did the one-on-one time after he met her family, and not before. Which not only meant he could really relax and drink with her and enjoy, but also meant he didn’t have to lamely get into a waiting SUV in some suburban family’s driveway. It’s like Ben asked if he could get do this superior set-up just with Courtney.

There is a picnic on the grass. Leave it to Courtney to interject one little thing about her modeling life. “I wanted to bring you to the site of my first photo shoot.” Bow down and kiss the grass, you peasant Amish-haired pug-nosed vintner, for this is where the magic of my career began!

Then Courtney reveals she set up a wedding for the two of them. She wore white. Brought notebooks to write vows. Rings. A bow tie. A fake minister. Ben seems to like this idea because he tells the camera: she challenges me, keeps me on my toes, is funny, confident, sexy, beautiful, keeps me thinking.

Ben’s fake vows: From the moment I saw you, you took my breath away. Blah blah blah. Journey.

Courtney’s fake vows: actually nice and she’s nervous and seems in love with him. I still majorly dislike her though.

I really have to pause here. This is a good game, Courtney. She really needs to be on Bachelor Pad. She is so good at playing.

Los Angeles fireside chat with Chris Harrison with many votive candles

(I don’t know if I have said this before, but how shitty is it that someone has to fly to LA just to get dumped?)

It’s actually really annoying to see and hear a recap of what we saw one minute ago. I actually stopped watching during this section so tell me if there was anything important.

It’s also actually remarkable to me how little I care about what happens to Ben.

Rose Ceremony

The dresses: All above the knee, so that’s good. Lindzi has highest hemline but I like the mix of conservative (grey and not revealing) with fashion (one shoulder strap). WHY oh WHY is Kacie wearing a shapeless, boring, high neckline shmata that is basically a bathing suit cover up? She is too sweet and cute for that nonsense! Nicki has the lowest hemline and a sort of boring black, strapless number but has some blingy jewelry and straightened her hair. The Model is rocking an interesting camel/nude colored geometric animal print dress sparkly thingy. Totally pretty without the sparkles, maybe. I generally hate hooker heels though so I am not that into her at all. Roses to:

Courtney

Lindzi

Nicki

Poor, poor, poor, misguided Kacie. The only good news is this won’t send her parents into an early grave of cohabitation sin. Look how sweet Kacie is until the bitter end? She even says hi and gives Ben a nice hug.

I am trying to focus on their rejection bench chat but what is that strong flickering light behind them? Ben just says I’m sorry, and nothing else. Really, that’s it? He canoodled her 400 times throughout the weeks and gave her a million roses and he can’t even muster one additional sentence of an explanation? Ben absolutely sucks.

Previews

Switzerland

Does look petty sick.

Surprise visitor.

Sneak peak at Emily as Bachelorette

I feel like I will spend the entire season typing: HER BODY IS RIDICULOUS.

Deleted scene

Courtney’s sister makes a toast in front of the fam to Courtney and Ben’s skinnydipping. Let’s play a game where we all have to say what would happen in our families if that happened. Let’s just say in mine my family would have donated even more money to a conservative PAC.

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16 Comments

Filed under bachelor episode recap

16 responses to “bachelor ben episode eight recap: the hometown episode where all the moms and siblings were mute

  1. Meghan

    Courtney’s vows were stolen from Sex and the City. It’s what Carrie says to the Russian. It made me hate her more. She couldn’t even rip off something classic, she had to rip off Carrie Bradshaw.

    I felt so bad for little Kacie B. I get that her family is eons apart from his lifestyle but after showing her that much attention throughout, you’d think Ben would have at least talked to her about his concerns before tossing her to the side. That being said, she’s so much better off without Ben. (Who’s starting to resemble the creator of “girls gone wild” with that bad, bad hair.)

    After looking forward to this season for so long, I’m just looking forward to it being over now. So I can read in US Weekly about how he and Courtney broke up months ago.

  2. Elizabeth

    Game answer: my mother would have said “why should she have all the fun? Come on Ben, let’s go now.” Then she would have disrobed and jumped in the pool. I truly wish I was joking, but that is what my mother would do. She skinny-dips all the time and she lives in a place where all her neighbours can see her get in the pool. Mortifying.

    On a “this is what she’ll look like in 30 years”, Kacie B’s mother wins hands down. Courtney’s mother looked like a barely re-animated crypt creature.

    Some of the highlights for me:

    – Ben saying he believes in the sanctity of marriage made me spit out my wine.
    – Kacie did an awesome split twist thing.
    – Nicki, you didn’t find true love before if it ended in divorce, therefore you can’t be “excited to find true love again.”
    – Ben couldn’t tell Kacie’s dad the attributes that he loved, but they came tripping off his tongue when he was talking to Courtney’s dad.

    Finally, if I was one of the other girls watching the faux wedding, I would have been beyond hurt.

    • yael

      Oh, Elizabeth that is amazing that your mother would do that. I know I am only impressed because she’s not mine.

      You are right on about the moms. But let’s at least give Courtney’s mom credit for not having work done. Just by virtue of being Courtney’s mom and living in Scottsdale, I was pleasantly surprised she didn’t look more like a Joan Rivers/Kathy Griffin mash-up.

  3. Gillian

    Omg is that true re SATC vows stealing thing???? I hate her so much. She looked extra pretty this epi tho.

    I’ve heard that a porky face is a sign of bulimia. I’m not so sure kaci is in recovery. I felt so bad for her and hate ben’s lack of explanation. But her limo rejection scene was pretty hilarious. She was totally keeping it together at the beginning and then it was as though during each cut away she had a shot of vodka and then the camera returns to a more bleary-eyed, slurred speech crying situation. Man.

  4. Faye

    In defence of only children, some of the most awesome people I know are an only child.
    Game answer – I think my Dad would pretend he didn’t hear and my Mom would be like ‘what’s skinny dipping’?
    Thoughts on this episode: BORING. I can’t wait for Emily! Really like Courtney’s rose ceremony dress.
    How does all of the free swag work? http://www.possessionista.com/2012/02/lindzi-and-nickis-bachelor-wrap.html
    do the producers give out merchandise to the girls and they get to choose if they want to wear it? Are there kick backs for them? Once again, I need a behind the scenes special.

    • yael

      You just gave me an idea for what I want for my next birthday. Tickets to be in the audience at WTA. Then we can ask about the swag!

  5. Daniel

    If Ben doesn’t get a haircut soon he’s going to morph into Javier Bardem from No Country for Old Men. If he shows up to the next rose ceremony with an air canister don’t say I didn’t warn you.

  6. Teresa

    Ben is a stupid man.

    If “skinny dipping” and me doing such an activity on a date was mentioned in front of my parents I think my dad would run away and then later try to save me from my sins and my mom would try to clean something and avoid the subject. I would drink heavily.

    Ben kissing anyone is gross. His teeth are disturbing. His responses to the woman are strange. His hair doesn’t bother me.

    Do men really ask fathers for permission to marry their daughters anymore?

    Kacie B’s family confuses me. She went on a show where she is dating 1 man while multiple other women are doing the same thing. But hell no will they approve of her daughter living with that man. Did they know what she was doing? If I was Kacie B and in that family….I would be living with the next person I dated. Just.because.they.are.annoying. Oh wait. That also might be because I am a pain in the ass child. And poor Kacie B and her puffy face and bad hair. I noticed.

    Texas was annoying. Not a fan.

    I like Lindzi and her boring parents and her nerdy love of horses.

    ugh…..Courtney! Your outfits are cute….then your face messes them up! Ben only likes Courtney because they did it. Stupid stupid man.

  7. I have never contributed to a conservative PAC in my life. I need this to be on the record.

  8. Jenny

    Ugh, I’ve never had this happen with any Bachelor/ette season, but I’ve lost interest mid-season because it’s so OBVIOUS how much he is into Courtney. Ben pretends to be “concerned” about all of Courtney’s red flags but he could care less. They are made for each other.

  9. Erin

    I guess I don’t want to believe that its over. I want to believe Lindzi is still in it. I’m not sure Nicki is as much. Maybe Lindzi will wow Ben at the overnight suite, and Courtney’s already shown him her tricks, so Lindzi will have more of a lasting impression (with his pecker-brain)? I feel like its too early for this to be over, too many opportunities for twists, and concerns (about courtney hating women) to pop back up? I obviously haven’t looked at spoilers, maybe I have too much faith in the show and/or Ben….

    And I completely agree, if Ben doesn’t do something with that hair, someone should shave it while he sleeps during an overnight date.

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