Ben, I know you make wine for a living. But let me tell you about wine...
You know what is more interesting than Ashley?
The possible responses are endless. Let’s try some!
Here’s one: What is more interesting than Ashley is that I totally watched the show, and took copious notes, when my newborn was 4 days old and before my c-section stitches were even removed. I am totally the show’s biggest fan! Take that, Kristen Baldwin.
But then the whole intense-nursing-pain (yawn, so boring) thing prevented me from timely blogging. Babies just don’t get this franchise.
So Taiwan. I know it was Taiwan because a little cartoon plane on a cartoon map took everyone there. We are down to six guys and they are riding a bus and everyone looks excited. Of course they are- they get to tour Asia for free. Even Lucas seems happy and we know he hates to travel.
Chris Harrison says a bunch of boring, pointless things plus Taiwan is 100 years old. Something like that. I don’t know as much Asian political history as I should.
At this point in the episode, JP is still my favorite and I am thinking he is really cute because he doesn’t want Ashley to go on any dates with the other guys. And that is true love: not wanting your girlfriend to have multiple partners.
Let Your Love Light Shine date with Constantine
I could write a lot but shouldn’t so I will stick to the basics. There is zero chemistry between Constantine and Ashley. I do not think he is into her and praise be he, he doesn’t seem interested in faking it for aggressive reality tv producers. Also, in not particular order, there is:
- a steam engine
- a backless shirt
- a small town outside Taipei where there is a lantern festival
- writing a love wish
Best part of date hands down: When Constantine and his favorable bone structure queries: “Why did you bring me here?”, Ashley’s immediate reply is something along the lines of “Physically you are exactly what I am looking for.” The reverse shallowness is, um, refreshing?
Let’s Spend a “Gorges” Day Together in Taiwan date with Ben
I know it throws everyone off to go from a date with Constantine to one with his doppelgänger, Ben (especially my mom) but I am too busy being annoyed by the date play-on-words stolen from Ithaca, New York
Again, the date in bullets:
- Ben is into Ashley
- there is a scooter
- there is an off-the-shoulder green shirt
- Ben is falling in love with her, or more accurately, falling in “L-bomb” with her, and is feeling butterflies
- Ben stays the whole night out (Earth to ABC: WHY IS THIS DETAIL GLOSSED OVER? I swear… you spend 700 hours on Boringass Bentley but someone cute and funny gets a sleepover before the overnight dates and we hear NADA. Tsk tsk.)
- JP gets pissed and stays pissed and gets super annoying
Best part of date hands down: Ashley takes a sip of white wine at dinner and inexplicably blurts out that it tastes very similar to what Ben, the California winemaker, brought her on the first night. Hmmmm. This seems like a terribly misguided comment to make- maybe akin to telling a dentist that your eye tooth looks just like theirs. Ben, to his credit, says something very diplomatic in response, like ” um, we’ll have to taste some wines when you come to my hometown.” Although I know that, like me, he was laughing and crying on the inside.
Wedding Photos group date
This was just a whack group date. I mean, the girlie in me laughed the outfits and poses and photos but it just never seemed clear what the interactions would be, what would be fun about it, what type of spark or conversational fodder could arise. But that doesn’t mean I won’t totally check out that crazy district next time I am in Taipei!
Best part of date hands down: Lucas obviously wanted to vomit and die being forced to wear native Taiwanese clothing for a groom. It’s not because he’s a xenophobic Southern Amurrica-loving redneck, though. It’s because he’s “traditional”. And traditional men wear baseball caps and camo.
I thought it was cute that Ames had brought family photos. I am sorry, but the guy is nice and funny and laid back and thoughtful. A breath of fresh air, even if the underdog. And not a shit-talker.
JP spends all his time pouting and complaining, which gets him a rose. Ashley spends a lot of time pursing her lips. Cause that’s just her thang, y’all.
Let’s Get a Taste of Taipei date with Ryan
I was excited for this date because I heart Asian food a lot. Bullets:
- an open-back shirt
- some matchmaking ceremony
- Ryan explains tai chi
- Ashley has a HILARIOUS story about a guy who storms out of her life when she admits she didn’t recycle a plastic bottle
- Ryan talks for hours about water heaters and Ashley looks as though she wants to kill herself, die, end her life, get reincarnated as Bentley’s chin fuzz, then die again
Best part of date hands down: the absolutely degradingly low place ABC will go to to humiliate innocent people. The camera follows Ryan around for hours after getting dumped on his 1 on 1, on a mission to get him to eek out a complete sentence on how badly he wants someone to share his life with. Tears… hailing a cab in front of a heart made from ivy. The usual. I know the guys hate him but from the perspective of how he was edited, I am not sure he deserved to be hounded after getting dumped by someone who waited until the end of the process to even give him a 1 on 1 date.
Go find greener pastures, Ryan! And you know by ‘green’, I mean eco-friendly. Zing!!
JP had a rose
Constantine (who doesn’t like her)
Ben (who does)
Lucas gets sent home and Ashley cries and questions her decision. I can’t believe she is feeling insecure about something!
Scenes for next week’s hometown dates
JP says, very seriously, “I’ve only ever taken home four girls to meet my family.” FOUR? You are such a prude.
Chris Harrison’s sit-down with Emily
It with a “degree of sadness” that Chris is conducting this interview. Yeah, whatever. Blah blah blah. Nothing we didn’t all already read in People Magazine. Braw Womack better disappear, though. I don’t want to see his pecs on Bachelor Pad. He cannot be recycled for a third time. Emily though is welcome to come back. I would watch a season with her.
Okay, back to the baby. He also thinks Ashley is annoying.