bachelorette ashley episode 6 recap: hong kong goes all wrong

The loneliest dragon boat coxswain. Ever.

Today is my due date! So it kind of means you have to be nice to me and comment on this week’s show.

In the opening we hear more of Bentley’s name and approximately 400 references to “dot dot dot”. Is this obsession the biggest mystery in mankind’s history? Will scholars be discussing it centuries from now?

Cue to amazing Hong Kong shots and I am way jealous. I have always wanted to go there. Wait- WHAT IS WITH ASHLEY STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF AN INTERSECTION WITH STOP MOTION TRAFFIC AROUND HER?! I mean, it’s a cool effect but why is ABC all of a sudden gonna pull out some crazy cinematography 20 seasons into this franchise?

Conrad Hotel

Chris surprises Ash in her hotel room and she’s “scared”. Chris mentions she is dicking the “eight outstanding men” around. I tend to agree. Drumroll… “He’s in this hotel”. Oh you know who the He is.

Ashley, ever poised: “SHUT UP” And she tears up.

Can we all stop and give a: Wow, the lame divorcee absentee father just got a free trip to Hong Kong. And it only requires 2 minutes of screen time.

The action takes place in Room #4315.

Ashley waits a long time to knock, dramatically considering her words and perhaps the unfortunate outfit choice of safari shirt. Upon hearing a knock, Bentley says “who is it?” in a weird voice like that Baby Ruth character in Goonies. Ashley is an idiot. The second she gets her paws on Bentley, she smooches him on the lips and grabs his arms. And then Bentley, no doubt throwing up in his mouth, decides it’s a good time to make small talk, like “so, what’s up? What did I miss?!” It would be great if instead he immediately put her out of her misery but I guess that wouldn’t be good tv. Bentley refers to some “reaffirmation of us being on same page.” Seriously? You’re there to set her straight but you feel the need to lie one more time? I guess that’s how family fun center entrepreneurs rake in the clients.

All I notice is that Ashley purses her lips in and out over and over, is wearing gauche make-up and is wearing that damn safari shirt. Oh and looking self-pitying. Not quite the hot tamale that will pull this dude away from his preferred virginal Utah blondes.

Ashley: “If this is a “period”, be a man and put it there.”

By the way, I will die if anyone says dot, dot, dot ever again as long as I live. So, um, if you want me to stay alive, someone please do something.

Ashley wonders why Bentley is rejecting her in person and not on the phone. Bentley doesn’t know what to say to this ludicrous question because, um, the answer is ABC WANTED HIM THERE IN PERSON FOR TV RATINGS.

Bentley puts a period on things and Ashley nows accepts he is a player. YOU ARE A F**KING GENIUS.

Let’s Find Our Good Fortune on the Streets of Hong Kong date with Lucas

Phew, date card to the rescue from that other crapola. I am not into Lucas’ Southern drawl at this moment. But I am happy Ash is back to her flowy off the shoulder shirts and not her too-prim safari get-up.

Lucas says he is not well-traveled, has never been to New York and likes to go fishing with his buddies. Whatever fishing has to do with not traveling, I have no idea.

Ash: “Look at that street market, people are selling things.” My friend and I decide there are so many good quotes this episode.

The pair go on a sail on a junk. Lucas is growing on me. He then starts talking about his divorce from the love of his life. And then the fact that he knew she wasn’t the one. Again, this is too vague for me. I demand tangible reasons for divorce like adultery or fear of traveling to New York.

Ashley’s pre-rose giving speech made me sleepy. Of course Lucas called her sweetheart. But they had a cute laugh and he’s alright. Is Lucas a dark horse emerging contender?

But Ashley’s overdone fake tan is making me throw-uppy.

Let’s Get Our Hearts Racing group date

Even though Blake and Ryan still don’t get one on one dates… the crew heads to

Dragon boat racing! Yes, Benstantine are a team!! But they can’t find a team to row with them as easily as Happy Hateable Ryan. But then they found a million people once they don red kimonos.

Ames and Mickey win the dragon trophy. Then someone gets engaged on the beach.

After Party

The first thing I remember is an elevator ride where Ames attacks Ashley with some major tonsil hockey and – – – she was into it! The weird intro line was that Ames has been to the top of this building before. Not sure why that would get a girl hot. Regardless, the view from the top of the building is great and I am still just impressed Ames went all horndog. I know his forehead and one seamless white-blue tooth is distracting, but he’s a great, cutish guy with a good heart.

Ben is wearing a preppy lemon meringue sweater that I can’t handle. Some weird staccato kissing pecks ensue and then Ashley leans onto his shoulder which makes me think she’s not into him??

Wow, the men hate on Ryan. And what’s annoying is we haven’t seen that terrible side of him. He’s cheesy? Get over it. They’re all discussing how they will jump off a bridge if he gets the rose that night and Ash walks up in her tight, short revealing dress and grabs the rose for him. Tee hee hee.

Let’s Take a Peek Into Our Future date with JP

At least Ashley is super excited for this date. As she should be! JP is the bomb, yo!

JP opens up his heart about falling for her but Ashley never puts her chop sticks down. JP talks about loving someone so much and crying with devastation when it’s over.

Ashley thinks JP is gorgeous, loyal, committed. Ashley therefore knows it’s time to ruin the perfection by bringing up Bentley – more accurately, the “Bentley break-up” (even though they were never together). The lead-up is sort of excruciating. She says she saw Bentley in Hong Kong. She describes it as “really good closure”, which is 100% not what I witnessed, but whatever. JP rules because he didn’t tell her she’s a total idiot. He makes such cute faces. I have a crush. Along with the rest of America. JP FOR NEXT BACHELOR! I feel like JP is too awesome and self-assured for Ashley the Self-Hater.

Cocktail Party

Ok, please girl! I think Ashley looks H – O – T! Lots of boobage from the girl with “small boobs”. And some fabs Nordstrom earrings.

She immediately then ruins all the mens’ boners by telling them about Bentley and how much she was in love with him. As my friend points out at this point, why this info-sharing? These aren’t her friends, these are potential suitors. Constantine is pissed. Lucas is pissed. Blake is pissed. Ben looks pissed.

Am I the only one concerned that whether in a good or bad context, Ashley loves bringing Bentley’s name up every day, every situation? It’s like the mere mention of his name, no matter why, is comforting to her.

Constantine is surprisingly angry. Lucas’ biggest pet peeve is “people wasting his time.” The two of them are acting like it’s the point of no return. Then Blake calls her out. And then Mickey basically tells Ashley she lied to them, and he wants her to kick him out. Donezo.

The waterworks begin.

Blake has a change of heart and he softens. (Too late.)

One on one time with Chris H to the arrison

Chris tries to explain why the guys reacted unfavorably to Ashley’s obsession with Bentley and her claim that they had a “relationship”.

I don’t understand why the bottom of Ashley’s dress isn’t glittery like the rest.

Which production assistant do you think has to bring the framed photos of the men in a suitcase from LA to HK?

Rose Ceremony

Blake goes buh-bye, obviously for confronting Ashley earlier and questioning her judgment. Blake smirks. What about the potential love affair of two dentists? We’ll never know what could have transpired.

Previews

Taiwain

Bentley’s name gets raised again. Drinking game!

Fiji

Someone comes back from the dead!!! WHO IS IT?

Crying.

For the first time ever, I want to read spoilers. But I am resisting.

Her engagement gets ruined?? This season could be awesome, or ABC is effing with my mind, soul and body. Is it Bachelor Pad time yet? During this episode I was daydreaming about some major throwdowns between Jake and Vienna.

LYLAS, everyone.

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8 Comments

Filed under bachelorette episode recap

8 responses to “bachelorette ashley episode 6 recap: hong kong goes all wrong

  1. rebecca

    I honestly wanted to die EVERY SINGLE TIME Ashley mentioned how she had closure with Bentley. Maybe I am obtuse, but when you have closure with someone, don’t you not bring up his or her name every 30 seconds? I am just increasingly embarassed for her and by her and astounded by what a trainwreck she is. I also feel so sorry for the remaining guys – who I really like for the most part – because whomever she ends up with is obviously her second choice.

    Re: her silver dress- hot but not doing her tush any favors.

    When Mickey left, I wondered if she would start obsessing over him.

    I have to confess- my crush is AMES. How can everyone not love him to pieces? Yes he is a major pretty boy but he is a sweetie. And that elevator kiss made me blush. I threw something at the TV during the rose ceremony when she hadn’t picked him yet and I thought he was going home. Thank goodness he is still around. I don’t see her picking him in the end though.

    Please excuse my jumping around. My notes don’t make any sense so I’m scrambling to remember all my points.

    So for the whole telling them about Bentley thing. Wouldn’t that normally be Chris’ job? Why did he make Ashley do it? She went about that all wrong. First, I really don’t think she had to tell them and make it the big fat deal she did. Nothing happened. No big deal. Second, why did she have to tell them she was in love with Bentley, or whatever the hell she said? What an idjit. Train wreck. If I was Bentley I would be watching and laughing hysterically. I also don’t understand why the guys got so pissed? Was something edited in that whole scene that I missed?

    Blake going home – his teeth bug anyway.

    Mickey going home – weird? Where did that come from.

    Ryan P- don’t get why the guys hate.

    Ben/Constantine – I couldn’t stop laughing at the rowing scene when one said “we’re getting smoked” and the other said “like salmon, dude.” Also they look like cavemen.

    • yael

      Very good point about the meaning of closure. She wants to bring up Bentley’s name constantly, and yet claims it’s because she is now so over him and just wanted to tell the guys. But you’re right- being over someone means shutting up already.

      So I am with you on Ames. I have a little crush on him. I actually think he is genuine and interesting and funny. I just think I am biased because he lives in NYC and works on Wall Street so I don’t believe he wants to get married. And if he does… as an Ivy Leaguer who once travelled to Thailand for cooking school, I am pretty sure he doesn’t want to marry Ashley. If you catch my drift.

      I feel like Benstantine could take their kimono routine on the road.

  2. Beth

    Yay! Recap! Better than the show as always….

    I can totally see why Ryan bugs. And you have to remember these guys are kind of on house arrest or something with no TV, no talking to real friends & fam (isn’t that right?). He could be a character in the fabulous movie Office Space. He is so over the top and I question his sincerity. To me, he seems like he just wants to win…because he’s succeeded in other aspects of his life, and why should this be different? When he pulled that ‘can I talk to you’ BS before a previous rose ceremony…and then even this time, when he kissed her hand? Ew. It just seemed part of a playbook. I cannot believe that he ends up being one of the finalists in Fiji. Seriously?! But…they do like to f*ck with our minds so who knows.

    The Ames elevator sitch was super awkward if you were sober, wasn’t it?! OH my. He went in so hard out of nowhere. But then she matched it!! Trying to talk and make it a ‘conversation’ but then going in for more?! He seemed drunk in a cute way. But I question if he’s being genuine as well. Maybe it’s just the way he talks. Though his comforting comment about everyone wanting a simple fairytale was sweet. Don’t get me wrong…I think he seems like a really nice person. Just a little robotic. Too much ‘proper’ training or something. Even though he’d spoken a lot about spontenaity…I wouldn’t say I see that really in his personality?

    I love Ben. He is so sweet and not afraid of being a dork. Though I’m not sure about his baby-voice-thing. But you know he’s not putting up some front. I cringed reading your comment about her leaning into him, though. Body language says so much and you’re probably right. Plus, he seems like a good guy…and why do they never seem as exciting?

    I thought for sure Lucas was NOT going to get the rose. I don’t get it. She had said in the episode multiple times how much she loves New York. I don’t see Ash fishing on the weekends. Just don’t read the sparks between them?

    Honestly I thought Constantine would go home. He is a slow burner or whatever and he also made kind of a biting comment. Just doesn’t seem into it.

    I love that Mickey was so straight up (plus I’m biased because he is HOT and can cook and seems East coast but is Midwest!).

    I wonder if some of the dudes feel a bit embarassed watching it air? Several were SO critical of the situation…but then didn’t portray that to her in person? Lucas? Constantine?

    JP all the way! Fingers crossed 🙂 Love that his name is Jordan Paul and she used it. Big sign!

    • yael

      I haven’t made up my mind about Ryan yet. I do think that if every guy hates him, there must be something legitimately bad about him. Yet, he doesn’t seem as odious as all the past villians-by-consensus (eg Vienna, Michelle), so it is a mystery.

      I also don’t get the Lucas thing and I also agree that Constantine doesn’t seem that into Ashley.

      Jordan Paul is so dreamy. Oy!

  3. kyle

    Happy Due Date, Yael!! Happy, safe delivery vibes to you across the pond. Your babe must know that next week (the 4th) is a rerun!!

    Great post, as always. I can’t decide if this is the best season or the worst? The Bentley thing was so pointless that it was bizarre. What did they leave out? Damn editing gods. I did like her “mission a-bleeping-complished” line and that she told him to eff off (about 5 episodes too late). Potty mouth dentist!

    So other highlights this episode are as follows (because I can’t organize my thoughts):

    Blue sparkly dress should have been fabulous but I kept thinking I saw nip and it was bothering me. I also asked my husband if she had a boob job between episodes.

    Loved that Constantine and Ben were on the same boat racing team and that they were, at one point, singing “row row row your boat”. I am waiting for Chris H (aka the hardest working man in television) to reveal they are long lost brothers. If not, then they should totally date each other.

    I don’t know about Lucas. When someone says “she was the love of my life” well then that would kind of kill the mood for me. Sort of surprising that he got so pissed about the Bentley thing but now I know why his first marriage ended…can you say Anger Management? Don’t mess with Texas, I guess.

    Me thinks Mickey was looking for an excuse off the show because his tirade came out of nowhere. Plenty of people have pulled the “if you want someone like that, they you don’t want me” card (hello, every girl on Vienna’s season) but none have actually left. He was like…no really, send me home. He’s just not into you, Ash. Too bad because I could have done with more Mickey, less Ben F./Constantine. I agree they could be those caveman brothers from the insurance commercials.

    Ames. Was he drunk the whole episode? He was cracking my sh- up. My husband actually looked up and asked if someone hit him again. The elevator jumping was hysterical. Love him and found out he dated someone in our NY office so that is fun work gossip.

    JP. JP just might be my favorite bachelor/ette contestant ever. I have a major crush and blush while watching him. I was overly excited when he got the 1-1 because it meant more screen time for him and less for Ryan.

  4. I love that you all take notes and have real discussions about the show and the real meaning of closure. Really, I do. I need people like you to make it through this train wreck of a season.

    I am on-board with Ames, however he doesn’t appear to be ready for the emotional mess of Ashley. I expect him to be sent home soon. Please. Dear Ames: Go back to NYC and find yourself a nice young hot professional chick that isn’t too messed in the head. You have a winning smile and that elevator move is unique. It made two of us blush!
    — Kyle…are you sharing the work gossip? Has he tried the elevator move before?

    Also, I would like to be the assistant who packs and travels the framed photos. Or whatever you would like, sir or ma’am ABC. (free vaca/travel please!)

  5. Gillian

    Ames seems really spacey or something to me…like he has a disability or something (and his forehead isn’t helping me reach a different conclusion).

    Ryan totally bugs me, but I agree that I don’t understand why he bugs the guys quite THAT much.

    It was so interesting to me to see how mad some of those guys got. Like I now think that Lucas totes has a temper and would be a mean dad.

    I still heart JP.

    That short silver dress was just like her dress from the first epi (that was also not doing her tush any favors) and had similar random sheerness at that straps.

    I did enjoy her bun.

    I, too, was thinking about the days of Vienna. This season is a train wreck. But I’m totes looking forward to The Jewel of Asia.

  6. Gillian

    PS Yael, I can’t believe you’re about to or just had a baby!!!!! So exciting. Post a pic!

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