bachelorette recap: the Weatherman episode

Hey Weatherman, you're totally straight.

Apologies for the delay. This Monday holiday thing threw me off and I realized at the last minute tonight I had to watch the show. So $1.99 spent on iTunes and now it’s 2am on my anniversary and I have to get up for work in a few hours. My point? I am very dedicated to The Bachelorette.

I know last week there were some of us who felt this crop of men were duds. You know what? I think there are some genuinely nice young lads in the lot. I might dare say these are some of the nicest Bachelors we have seen in this 20 season franchise. So I am not totally waving the white flag on this season’s journey.

Frank. I still just love him. I love him with glasses. Without. I love his retail managerial experience, as mysterious as it is (do they still have Structure in midwestern malls?). I love that he only lived in Paris for a month and half, didn’t speak the language, and left that country as fast as you can say croque monsiuer. Let me tell you something about my neighbors, the French: they will eat you alive if you show any fear. So Frank the screenwriter couldn’t hack it with the frogs. I am okay with this. He probably has a pretty good discount at BabyGap.

But that Hollywood sign scene was not as lovely as I might have hoped. For one, I don’t know, it was hokey. For twos, was it just me or did Frank have to be coaxed into making out? Wait, did they make out later on? It’s all a blur to me at 2am.

So poor Jonathan. He will forever be the Weatherman. Although I am guessing he loves that since at one point he actually motioned to his face and said, “this is my money maker.” And again, I know I am going to go down in a sinking minority for saying this, but there is something I like about that not-right chap. He is little and short (for me that’s yummy) and actually quite quick thinking. Plus, HE’S A BROWN BELT, OKAY? So DON’T mess with him. Sometimes when he’s acting especially crazy, he conjures for me a young, very unstable Tom Cruise.

This is reminiscent of every convo he had with Ali:

There are so many things I want to tell you right now.

Okay, tell me.

Are you sure you want to know? Because I don’t like to tell things.

Oh, okay.

You want to know?

Well, sure.

Do you really want to know.

Yes.

I don’t have a huge pffffftttt. But I did go tanning.

(WHISPER) Thanks for having my back.

I will give it to Ali, she is not turned off by a tattletale. But to be fair, Craig M is one of the more odious human beings I have televisionally encountered in my life. I truly did not know you could be Canadian and be an a-hole. What was with him recoiling when she asked if he liked her? That was inexplicably bizarre. He was mean. Buh-bye.

So why does everyone hate on Justin Rated R wrestler and not Roberto “butt chin” baseball player? Roberto is hot, I know. He is. And I wish he would teach me a knuckleball. But am I delusional for thinking Justin *might* actual be in to Ali? Can being on the Bachelorette help a wrestling career? Exactly my point. Different demographic tuning in to this and Monday Night Raw so everyone needs to chillax a little.

Divorce Ty was cute on the guitar. I don’t care if it’s too easy to woo a girl that way. It’s also easy to woo a girl with a black AmEx and I would NOT say no to that either. And by that double negative, I mean to show you how in to the black AmEx I could be. Back to Ty. He is cute and country and all that. Not much else to say I guess.

Tattooed Jesse from Peculiar, MO. He is tall (I will make an exception in his fine case), cute, sweet, has the sexiest voice eva and is STOKED about everything. And he was honest about hating oysters. Most small town people on this show just lie. I don’t see him and Ali together though. There is something too aw shucks about him.

Chris L from the Cape is a wicked nice, genuine guy.

Kasey was not creepy at all this episode. Go figure.

Also there were a bunch of other guys that got no screen time. One was shocked when he got the boot but we’ll never know why.

So I guess that’s all I got. I look forward to the rest of yous.

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