“Start Valentine’s week off with a Bachelor that will stop your heart!” Whatever to that.
Girls on a seaplane. Sean: I wanted to break the rules again and fly in to St Croix with all the six remaining girls on a seaplane. You crazy rulebreaker.
They go to the Buccaneer Hotel in St Croix. Wait, I feel like you guys are going to kill me but I swear we went to a wedding at that hotel at the end of 2006. It was a lot of fun.
Tierra isn’t friends with “girls who like her boyfriend” so she sets up a rollaway cot in some little side room. #bedbugshopefully
Let’s Get Carried Away date with AshLee
(cut to Tierra’s horrid face when this date is announced) Then Tierra sings: “The cougar’s back in town.”
AshLee is 32. Is that cougar age? I don’t know. I do know that 32 is old, pathetic, and humiliating. I can’t believe AshLee isn’t dead yet. Didn’t the universe hint to her enough when it orphaned her? Tierra is so lucky she is only 24 and chubbier and less pretty than cryptkeeper AshLee.
Sean tells us he is now into AshLee because of the blindfold/abandonment issues thing last week. The duo have to swim to their catamaran and then go to a private island. Why are we still doing the two-toned bikini thing, AshLee? It’s like a Bachelor requirement.
Um, St. Croix from a catamaran is kind of ridic.
At the private island Sean asks AshLee about Tierra. AshLee takes the bait and tells Sean about Tierra as poutypants. I can’t tell if he is glad to hear it or what, but no matter because within edited seconds, AshLee is mounting Sean on the beach with the rushing water over them in the sun setting. It’s gorgeous.
Going into dinner Sean says he has felt the day was fun, sexy, and romantic. “I haven’t felt this way about anyone in a long time and can’t imagine anything going wrong” foreshadowing comment.
AshLee has another big reveal. She painfully ramps up to it. (pause) She got married when she was 17. That’s her skeleton in the closet. She did it to escape her terrible mom, which doesn’t seem that bizarre a way of dealing with a very troubled home life.
I think Sean is okay with it all and tells AshLee she is not broken and to take the word out of her vocabulary. Whip out the blindfold, AshLee looks so happy!
Then they do a weird yelling thing. Sean basically dares AshLee to scream that she loves him. He better propose after that stunt. Except that he then the camera something about how he could fall in love with her, and could see himself ending up with her. The operative word being could and also should we discuss how “ending up with” is so negative, defeatist, and unflattering. Even though lots of people say it, it’s not really complimentary.
Let’s Explore Our Love on the Streets of St Croix date with Tierra
Tierra is “not excited about being attacked by bugs, sweating and having my make-up running”. Sean knows she loves boating and being on the water, and thought the date would be “something like that.”
Lesley: I hate that bitch.
Me: I love Lesley.
So the date. Sean seems happy to see Tierra, even though he knows every single human hates her.
Is it just me or does Tierra looks really chunky and puffy on this date? It’s like when Lost Angeles hilarious blogged about her last week:
Back at the hotel, she found time to redo her makeup, get an oxygen mask and eat a hamburger because she was stressed out. I root for her to stay on the show as long as possible because she could probably just flip right over to next season of Biggest Loser.
Tierra thinks Sean is so romantic because “he knew exactly where to take me shopping on our date” meaning Sean walked her up and down the open market stalls.
Why did Sean buy her an eternity love bracelet?
Oh poor St Croix. “All of a sudden”
organized by producers a parade of carnival dancers comes their way and they dance and Tierra is the happiest girl ever and no longer “hot, sweaty, and thirsty.”
Sean loves this fun, outgoing side of Tierra. They go to some church/government building (it’s always hard to tell in the Caribbean) so Sean can try to delve a little deeper in her dark side. Tierra says she wouldn’t do anything different if given another chance. Even Courtney pretended to apologize. At dinner Tierra tells Sean she felt some distance from Sean earlier in the day and says she feels “behind in this game”. It’s interesting she calls it a “game.”
They walk to a dock over the water and Tierra uses the word journey and also that she is falling for Sean. Whispers: I’m falling in love with you. Thank you, closed captioning provided by the producers!
Sean’s conclusion is that it doesn’t matter if she’s not nice to the other women. As if.
Love is on the Horizon group date with Catherine, Dez, Lindsay
4:42am and Sean enters the ladies’ hotel with a flashlight and a camera to wake them up for their date. I like the no make-up idea but it’s creepy somehow.
Catherine: I am probably the lowest maintenance person here. I just need to pee and I’m good to go.
LOVE HER. (Also, forget even peeing: you can just cop a squat somewhere.)
They head in a Jeep to the most easternmost point to see the sunrise in the US. Then the drive the whole island west so they can catch the sunset. They stop along the way like a proper road trip, to a sugar mill and a treehouse.
Catherine feels like she and Lindsay are on a date with Sean and Desiree. Damn shotgun. (Also, I love Catherine but is her voice a little annoying?)
They make it west and take a dip in the ocean.
Poor Lindsay has a zit. She and Sean have a conversation kind of recapping their exchanges along the way. Sean says he is crazy for the girl in the wedding dress. He definitely always seems very into her. It would be nice maybe if we saw just a bit more of their exchanges so we could truly be on board too.
Sean calls his relationship with Catherine “unique”. Hmm. Catherine is using her “once upon a time a girl got hit by a tree right in front of me” voice to drop some knowledge about her dad. She doesn’t make eye contact at all even though Sean is looking right at her, so it’s a little weird. Catherine’s dad tried to commit suicide and now he lives in China. Catherine is just sitting there stone cold, struggling.
More dolphin sightings.
Dez cries thinking about Sean meeting her family, because they are so special to her. And her parents have such a happy marriage.
The group retires under a lean-to on the beach and Sean gives his little speech about how hard it was to decide on this group date rose. It’s going to “the person who hasn’t wavered a bit since the beginning” and it’s Lindsay. I mean, not to quibble but I don’t think Dez and Catherine have wavered either but whatever, I like Lindsay too. She doesn’t seem incredibly mature to me, but I like her. And we all know guys like when girls are totally devoted to them and that is for sures Lindsay.
There is no actual sunset but CHEERS!
I hope Our Love Stands the Test of Time date with Lesley
Tierra read the date card with piss and vinegar coming out of her mouth. AshLee was showing some cray cleavage also.
Sean doesn’t want a “big and glamorous” date to get in the way of just talking to Lesley. Or his royal blue shirt/dark pink shorts combo. So they explore an old rum factory and maybe pick some fruit.
Oh no, the dreaded “is there anything else I need to know before I meet your family?” from Sean. Lesley’s face changes. Why aren’t they touching? Lesley wants to say she is falling for him but instead they go to explore more. Even Sean is noticing the lack of affection and kissing. Then Lesley gives an awkward speech about their “natural progression” and finally womans up and kisses him. Cue the nice music. Is it enough?
Sean’s sister Shay
Yay for Shay! She gets a sweet trip to St Croix for her birthday. Shay is pretty and talkative. Before Sean left Shay told him DON’T END UP WITH THE GIRL THAT NO ONE LIKES. The explosion below gets interspersed into the sibling beach chat.
Back at the Buccaneer the day before, Tierra was listening to AshLee and Lesley talk shit about her. Oh no no no no no, she is NOT having that bullhonky. So she confronts AshLee now about sabotage. Tierra is 24. She is a woman. Where in the country do women get married at 24? Answer: not Las Vegas.
Girls are jealous. Men love me.
She takes a dig at AshLee’s age. And tells her all the girls have talked shit about AshLee. That was low. And is it true?
AshLee confronts Tierra then about her cold stares and raised eyebrows. Tierra’s explanation is she can’t help it. Tierra’s parents did not tell her they were worried because she never gets along with women (um, who put that idea out there in the first place?), they just told her she has a sparkle and do not let those girls take your sparkle. As for the facial expressions issue:
THAT’S MY FACE. I CAN’T HELP IT. I CAN’T CONTROL MY EYEBROW. I CANNOT CONTROL MY EYEBROW. I CAN’T CONTROL WHAT’S ON MY FACE 24/7.
Perfect timing as Sean sashays up to get Tierra to introduce her to Shay right when Tierra and AshLee have just finished their words with one another. Tierra is sobbing in her rollaway cot.
Lindsay: “once again it’s the Tierra show.”
Sean is trying to comfort Tierra. She’s got her weak little baby voice on. She has such a big heart, according to herself. As all the awesome Tweeters have pointed out anyone who says they have a big heart doesn’t and anyway who says they hate drama loves it.
Tierra admits she confronted AshLee for sabotage. Tierra says she is scared of going into tonight and “hates confrontation” and “hates getting emotional.” #oppositeday
Sean processes this “nightmare” against a palm tree.
He comes back to Tierra and tells her it’s probably best if she goes home now. Bravo for Sean. He says it wasn’t his intention, he seems genuinely surprised at the turn of events, but also he seems to have put some real thought and lucidity into it. And he still comforts her.
He walks her out (um bags, purse, supplies?) and we see a camerawoman darting about. Tierra is PISSED. Some time must have passed because there is a minivan waiting. HA! Minivan passes a bunch of camera operators and producers.
Ugly cry. But then Tierra says she’s strong and will get over him. Well, that’s settled.
Tierra’s sparkle has left St Croix but NO ONE PUTS SPARKLE EYEBROW IN A CORNER.
And last note on Shay. Here is her family blog (she also has a recipe one) and she is cute and fun but maybe a little too earnest and eager beaver about how hanging out with Bachelor producers in St Croix was the best day of her life ever. I like the inside scoop though that the green tank top she was wearing had been her pajamas the night before. I did also learn that she married one of Sean’s college friends after he introduced them. And then she signed him up for Bachelorette.
Andrea Lavinthal@andilavs: Sean and his sister are super cute in that blonde flowers in the attic kind of way.
Sean tells the girls how emotional Tierra was, he knew she was a source of drama, and he knew she wouldn’t be his wife. It will also be refreshing to have the other girls stop bitching about Tierra and to start just showing us what we need to see to get excited for the finale.
Look at AshLee’s beautiful off-the-shoulder yellow dress!
No cocktail party because Sean has clarity and knows what (who) he wants.
Oh I almost forgot about Chris Harrison!
Lindsay already has
I wasn’t surprised about sending Lesley home. But I think she blew it. I think she was a strong contender and then sort of blew it.
Catherine is bawling because Lesley is her best friend on Earth. (No seriously, they basically flirt over Twitter.) Oh god, Catherine says “Lesley and Sean have more in common than he and I do. I didn’t want to say that but it’s true.”
First of all, opposites attract. Second of all, it’s weird to me that you’re so upset your best friend is not going to get to marry the guy supposedly you’re falling in love with.
Third of all, how will the season be without the forehead dent? Maybe a little boring? NO WAY, because…
Family hometown visits. Catherine’s older sisters blow her cover (she’s not ready for marriage) and Dez’s older brother wants to fight Sean because he thinks he’s a player (also the brother is a thug and jealous that he’s not on the Bachelor).
Sean’s dad started a tradition of Jammy Cocoa Christmas. Sean pulls out at iPhone pic of him in his onesie. Why is he allowed to have his phone?
I’ve always loved Ashley Spivey and now she is linking to some other great Bachelor recap sites. I plan to check some of them out and be jealous. http://saynotocosmo.com/post/42866852888/miss-my-bachelor-recaps